~ Wheelkeeper ~

MOVING FORWARD

2012-01-24T14:33:00.005-07:00

Recently, a ghost followed me home from a place that I visited. It was a woman who had committed suicide thinking that would put an end to her problems. Now she is stuck because she realized that death doesn't end anything. You just take your issues with you to another level. There was many signs, messages and synchronicities from the dreaming with this story. Someone gave us a drawing of a woman before I even visited that home. The drawing looked just like our ghost.

She was confused and disoriented, didn`t realize where she was or what she had done. Windwalker and I brought her to consciousness and showed her what she needs to do to move forward. She left a lot of shit behind and needs to clean it up. It will be a lot of work and will take time, but the only other choice is to stay stuck in the in-between as a ghost and continue her same dysfunctional patterns in her next life. She was not happy about us giving her back her shit, but everyone has to do their own work. They can't just keep dumping it on others.

I learned a long time ago, that the most important thing to do in life is to be ready to die in a good way. We can look at death and learn from it. We can imagine our own deaths, and ask ourselves... are we ready? What do we have left to do? Jesus said "Before leaving your offering at the altar, go and make peace with your brother". He was saying "deal with your unresolve".

Take advantage of the Cosmological influences at hand. 2012 is the year for change and now as of the New Moon, January 23rd, we are in the NOMAD WIND for one month. This Wind will bring us opportunities, people and guides that can help us move forward, to bring change where we were stuck and to bring resolve where there was unresolve. It is time to grow beyond our self-imposed limitations.

The Nomad Wind also shows us how to make links in our personal stories to connect the puzzles of our lives. And it connects us with others who can support us in our journeys.

It teaches us about collectively, helps us to see that we are not alone in our struggles and victories. We can find a common bond with others and become closer to Oneness. Change is a good thing and it is inevitable. We can resist it or flow with it. In the end, resistance only prolongs the outcome or sabotages it altogether.

We are still in the Moon of Welcoming until February 6th. Welcome change, movement, growth and see how the Universe brings the support you need to accomplish the smallest of tasks.

There are other Cosmological forces at work too. Mercury retrograde, we will be doing more internal changes than external for the next few months. Mars Retrograde tells us think before we act.

Hau!

NEW MOON OF WELCOMING

2012-01-09T21:51:00.002-07:00

It is so amazing that the Western New Year is in alignment with the Moon of Welcoming, which follows Natural Laws. I don't know how rare this phenomenon is because I haven't been keeping track that long.

At our Woman's Moonlodge, the topic seemed to center on loss and death. The women ended up sharing stories of abortions and miscarriages and the death of baby in the first month of life. They still grieved the loss of these children.

Personally, I was perplexed at this because I also lost a baby and although there was a period of mourning, I went on with my life, knowing that it was what had to be. This experience made me a better person and a better Mom in the long run.

I shared my story of how I met up with the soul of this unborn child later in life when I became a Nanny. I was her "Mother" for the first year and a half of her life. She seemed to need to be with me for some reason. I know I was depressed at the time. It was after coming out of major surgery and a life-threatening illness. She must have needed that depressive energy in her life to balance out the family she chose since they were Westerners who lived life more on the surface.

Our bond was so strong that she thought I was her Mom, which made sense because I was with her all day long. I was happy to see her off to her start in life and to leave her with a family who could take good care of her physical needs much better than I could.

We may lose a child, but if they are meant to be with us, they will find their way back again. There is no death really....

At the Moonlodge, we had to work with one woman who was not able to make peace with the loss of a child. She said she thought she had let it go, but what she had done was to rationalize it, go into her mental body. We all saw and felt the pain and anger in her physical. It was great that she was able to share her story as it triggered issues in some other women around having, not having and losing babies. It is great that she was able to hear us and is willing to do her healing work some more.

I explained to them that we were starting this Moon year on the dark side of the Moon by looking at the shadow issues around welcoming. I believe that this is a theme and an indication of what is to come for us all in 2012.

Another topic that came up was around Elders. One woman was entering her menopause and we did a lovely ritual for her. Then another Elder and myself also were honored in the same way. It was wonderful to accept and appreciate myself as Elder. It has taken me years to make the adjustment. I kept looking in the mirror and not recognizing or accepting what I saw. I wanted to look like I did when I was 30 or 40. How silly, I thought finally, I am letting society dictate how I am supposed to look, feel and act at my age. I am 60 years old and if I look at myself without the judgments and programs, I think I look damn good for my age! LOL.

Better yet, I feel good, I feel strong, I feel like I earned my wisdom all the way through. I have lived an extraordinary life and still have many good years ahead of me. Yet, I am not denying the fact that I have more years behind me than ahead of me.... I am looking at my own immortality and preparing for when I pass over. I am journeying with my "Angel of Death". There is still lots to do before my time comes, so I better get busy.

At the end of the Moonlodge, another Elder confided in me that I challenged her to grow by my example. She saw how I tackled my challenges head on and she realized that she needed to do the same in her life. I felt honored by this. You never know how you impact others unless they tell you.

So this years Moon cycle is off to a good start. The Moon of Welcoming is asking us to look at our fears and issues around rejection, death and loss. We have one month to do this before the next full moon. Journaling, talking about our fears and issues is one way to go. Looking at our unresolve with our losses in life is also crucial. It seems that we all have work to do be ready to welcome death!

(The image above is a death mound that Windwalker and I built last year to release our limitations.)

2012-01-05T00:14:00.001-07:00

As we begin the New Year, 2012, we are off to a good start with the Initiator Wind blowing through once again. This Wind has popped up several times in the past year. It seems that we need the Initiator to push us to grow. This Wind will trigger our issues to see what we need to work on in order to bring balance to our personal wheels. Those who have been working on themselves for a long time will have it easier than those who are just starting their healing journeys.

This year, our community is working together to get out a book or two about Shamanism, the Shaman and our stories on the Red Road. These projects have been in the works for years, but it seems that it is finally coming together. My book will be stories related to the Medicine Wheel. I seem to have a lot to say so I might as well write it down...lol.

We are aiming to have these books go to the next stage by this summer. It is exciting and scary to see this dream coming to a place of manifestation.

Here's to all of you fulfilling your greatest dreams this year as the veil between the worlds thins. The Mayan Calender is not ending, it is the end of a major cycle and the beginning of a new one. We need to be ready for anything, open to change and the challenges that this wind and this year brings us.

Happy New Year!

FORCES OF NATURE

2011-12-30T12:10:00.000-07:00

There is a new feature on our TV weather channel here. It is called FORCE OF NATURE. They show the worst and most recent storms, floods, droughts, avalanches, tornadoes,hurricanes, earthquakes, etc. It is awe inspiring, heartbreaking and unnerving at the same time.

Mother Earth is speaking to us loudly through these "unfortunate" events. Yet, we have known for decades that this was coming. Our Aboriginal Ancestors predicted these times hundreds of years ago. So why should we be surprised. The question is... are we ready for what is to come when everything is so uncertain and unpredictable?

What can we do?

Well, all we can do is be prepared for the worst and pray for the best. In our tradition, we are taught to do our own personal work and pay attention to signs and messages from the Dreaming, the Earth and Spirit... and to trust!

We do our personal work by being aware of our own unresolved issues. Everyone has their own way of doing this. In our tradition, we don't do years of psychotherapy, we use the Medicine Wheel as a guide to learn and heal. It is the most effective and has the longest lasting effects of any method I have ever tried. And believe me, I have tried everything else in my life.

To look for signs and messages from the collective themes and lessons that we are all living - we observe repetitions. For example - the past little while I have noticed that people are reaping the consequences of not being responsible for their words and actions, for not following through on their original intentions.

A friend of mine cut his thumb when he was going to do one thing and suddenly changed his mind and went another direction. Then yesterday at a restaurant, a waitress confided that one of their cooks walked out in mid-shift, leaving them in chaos at a busy time. He broke his contract, didn't follow through to the end.

Another friend made plans to go back to work on a certain day, then called in to postpone. From then on, things began to go wrong.

Someone was supposed to do my business cards for me by a certain date but never came through. If I had been told that they were too busy and couldn't do them, I could have made other plans. As it was, I waited and had none to distribute at the busiest time of year when people were asking for them.She didn't keep our agreement.

The universe speaks to us in so many ways if we really pay attention. I have been very aware of my thoughts and intentions and following through, doing a full wheel with them. It is so easy to say one thing and do another, but are we aware of how we affect everyone and everything around us when we do this? It is a challenge to be mindful, but very rewarding to discipline ourselves on these seemingly insignificant matters in our daily lives. From a dreaming perspective, you need to do a full wheel with what you start or you break the dream. We are breaking dreams all the time.

The other day, I interrupted someone who was sharing a story and broke the dream he was sharing. It was humbling but it was good to be made aware of this behavior so I can change it. Thoughts and words do have an impact on our world as much as our actions do. We may not be able to change the world, but we can change OUR WORLD with consciousness and effort.

In New Age philosophy, they say to think positive thoughts and do positive affirmations. That is not a bad thing, but when we ignore the reality around us and think that being positive is enough, we are fooling ourselves. Darkness does exist in Nature and in us. We need to acknowledge our own darkness and do the work to bring the light of consciousness to these dark places. We need to take action, not just think happy thoughts.

The Forces of Nature exist in and all around us. We are not separate from the trees, the animals or Mother Earth. Demons, devils and monsters lurk in the shadow realms and live in us. We all have the potential to do good or do harm. Carl Jung, the Swiss psychologist who studied Shamanism, said that the most important thing we can do is to examine our own shadow. He predicted the Nazi invasion at this time and was trying to tell the world to be more conscious. But most people prefer to live in denial until it is too late.

The forces of Nature are getting more intense. Our inner lives are also reflecting the intense changes of nature. We can do our part by working with our Indigenous natures and bringing ourselves into balance. We can look at where we are unresolved, unconscious and unbalanced. We can not do this alone, we need like-minded people that see us and are willing and able to be truthful about where we need to change, learn, heal and grow. We need to allow our ego defenses to settle down before we can listen to what they are telling us. Then we can take steps to change our ways.

The Medicine Wheel shows us the steps to take to bring change, beauty and abundance to our lives by working on our Moons, Ancestral stories and our Totemic natures.

WINTER SOLSTICE 2011

2011-12-27T18:59:00.002-07:00

It is interesting that I am coming back to this blog after not being here since last Spring Equinox. It feels like years of living and learning have occurred this year.

I have been writing on my website (www.wheelkeeper.com) but am returning to this blog so I can work in conjunction with Lisa Tardiff (Okwaho Lablanc) in teaching the Medicine Wheel.

This past year has been filled with change and challenges for us all. The biggest one has been this new business that I was called to begin. It has to do with making connections with others in the community and selling Traditional and Contemporary Aboriginal Arts and Crafts. But it is so much more than that. It is a place for me to grow and learn, to develop new skills that I know will serve me in my Shaman Initiation.

Already I am learning how to discipline my hypersensitivity and to shape-shift out of my Initiator into a more diplomatic role...lol. You can't be triggering people when running a business.

Since my Mother passed over in 2008, I have been in a process of going through tests and challenges related to my initiation. It is amazing how the universe and the dreaming brings us what we need to grow and learn. There is no doubt in my mind that we are guided every step of the way if we are open to our Guidance. This takes trust and the ability to surrender. It sounds easy but how many can really let go of the need to control and be the master of their own destiny? In the end, resistance only makes things harder. I truly understand what all those great sages are saying now when they talk about surrendering to a higher power.

In these final days before 2012, the chaos and confusion is building. The cosmological influences are pushing us to adapt, change or suffer with our delusions and illusions.

That which worked in the past may no longer apply. Like the saying goes... if what you are doing isn't working, try something else.

The Medicine Wheel gives us 36 different stones, 36 different perspectives, 36 different ways to look at any one situation... yet we often stay stuck on one stone. Usually these are our broken Moons that hold us back. Moon work is about allowing these parts of you to have a space to grow, learn and heal. It doesn't have to take years of psychotherapy. It is about experiencing the child within. Just by acknowledging it, you are starting a journey of healing. The Moon wheel unfolds as you bring consciousness to your reactions and emotions. Then you are able to make conscious choices and take actions to change the behaviours that no longer work.

Right now, as we count down to Winter Solstice 2012... this year we are being forced to work harder than ever on our personal unresolved issues. There is no shame in being broken, hurt or lost. The only shame is in NOT doing our work. That is all that is asked of us.

I know from twenty plus years of being on this path, that the more we do our inner work, the more life gets better and easier. We become clearer, happier and stronger.

We don't have to save the world. It is arrogant to think we can when all the great masters, prophets and sages of history have failed. All we can do is save ourselves and support and encourage those close to us who are also willing to do their work.

We can't do our work alone. We need to be humble enough to ask for help and to listen when confronted with our imbalances and dysfunctional ways.

EQUINOX MUSINGS

2011-03-24T00:03:00.001-06:00

It is the end of March and the Equinox has come and gone. I am busy with preparing for a new cycle of teaching the Medicine Wheel. Next weekend I will give an introduction to the MW and at the end of April, I will go to Cleveland to work with My Teacher, Gerard, to teach the Wheel to a group of People there.
Then I hope to do a weekend workshop sometime in June.

Today I met a wonderful, delightful woman who is full of Life, having received news that she is free of cancer. We haven't met in person yet, but over the phone. She also does woman's circles, in BC. I called her because a friend of mine down there attended a Woman's Moon circle that M.gave. I found out that we had a connection to another woman that we both met many years ago. The Circle of Life goes around and comes back to the beginning again and again. Each time I reconnect with someone from my past, it is magical. The strange thing is that I was just writing in my book about the onset of my journey with Grandmother Twylah Nitsch. The woman M. and I both met is named Spider and she was very special to us both.

I loved our connection and it felt like meeting a long lost sister. She opened me up to new ideas and energies. She helped me realize how stuck I have been here and that I need to spread my wings and fly again. I need to be more open and creative in how I conduct the circles. In the past, I didn't know anything, but I followed my guidance. Then I acquired lots of knowledge and I became too rigid and structured in how I work. It is good to have the knowledge of the teachings, but also to break the rules a little and experiment. I am not as wild as I used to be, I have been influenced by my environment, which is very conservative and practical.

Practical is okay, but I need to feel the magic again, I need to let go of the structure of the Wheel and be more in touch with the flow of energies, with Spirit and Nature. I need to dance, to sing, to play more.

I may be getting older, but that doesn't mean that I have to become old.

MY WEBSITE

2011-01-21T10:28:00.004-07:00

Nathalie and others, I hope you will join me on my new website on the NEW BLOG page and continue to journey with me and the Wheel. Thank you for your feedback and support on this blog.

Let's continue to grow and heal with the forces of Nature guiding us. It the time for change as we move into the 1st Moon of Welcoming on the Full Moon in January, 2011.

www.wheelkeeper.com

TRANSFORMATION

2011-01-10T16:27:00.000-07:00

I have closed this site off from my Website for now. I will use this space for me. It will be my personal space, whereas my website will be more for Teachings.

DECISIONS, TEMPTATIONS & OBSTACLES

2010-12-30T00:51:00.001-07:00

Maybe its my Clan, which is Butterfly, or maybe its because I am a Gemini, but I hate having to choose between two things. Its easier for me if there are three or more choices. but with two, it drives me crazy.

Since I have opened my website and discovered that I could blog there, I wondered if I should close this site. But I like this space, I like the colors, being able to post photos.... I feel at home here. This is more private than the other space. Yet, I have been reluctant to come out... to expose myself to the public. Its taken me years to get a website and I am still resisting that book I am supposed to write. I have all the material, but I get stuck when it comes to going public. My writing is intimate and personal, its deep and sacred to me. I write about what I know, about my dreams and experiences, my issues and healing. I don't know how to write otherwise. I have tons of material - journals, dream charts, dreams, shamanic journals.... I am happy when I am writing or reviewing or editing my journals, but then I get distracted, busy, lazy, resistant.

My wish for this year is to push through the obstacle and trust myself and the Dream that wants to manifest. I was told over 20 years ago by a stranger on a train that I would be writing a book. I was told in a dreamchart over 7 years ago the same thing. Is is a rebellious teenager in me that is fighting this destiny? Is it the fact that others told me to do it? That would be immature of me, wouldnt' it.

Whatever the reason, it is time to push through and get to work. I will probably have to write less in other places like here. It is not easy to go back in time and rewrite my memoires when I want to be living life fully today. A sunny day, a phone call from a friend, the internet, a good movie on TV... these are the temptations that get in the way.

How many of us let life's distractions keep us from doing what we are called to do. My son, the Thunderbeing, is great at discipline and focus. I find that this is a trait of that Clan. Us butterflies are so easily blown about by the slightest breeze. I need to anchor myself in my center totem, my horse, with all four feet on the ground. There is no one there telling me to be at work on time. I don't have to punch a clock. I know that there are people out there who would love to have the time I have to write...

So with that being said. I just might not be blogging as much this year.

Or maybe..... I just may use this space for myself to write about my writing...lol.

Or................

SOLSTICE WISHES

2010-12-13T16:32:00.002-07:00

This time of the year is always difficult for many as the Christmas stress builds. With the pressure to buy gifts, to cook, bake, visit, etc.... Christmas has become a commercial commodity. That is why I am happy to be on a Shamanic path where we follow the natural rhythms of life and nature. Celebrating the Solstice makes much more sense to me. Shamanism always makes sense, being an earth based outlook on life.

Being the darkest time of the year, it is a good time to go inward and see what lurks in the darkness of our own souls. We also makes wishes at Solstice to prepare for the long, hard winter ahead. It is ironic that Solstice is the longest night and the return towards the light, while at the same time, it is only the beginning of winter.

Each year there seems to be more natural and cosmological forces lining up. This solstice coincides with the Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse. It is also one year since the Blue Moon of last December 31st. We are edging closer to 2012 and the transformation is upon us. There is no time to waste on pettiness and inessentials. It is time to get to the crux of the issues at hand.

Winter is about death and letting go and opening to something bigger and wiser than ourselves. Yet with the Moon of Metamorphosis, the 12th Moon, coinciding with the 12th calendar month, we are reminded that death is CHANGE.

What is changing or needs to change in your life? For me, it is a letting go of my identity of caretaker for my parents, and being open to where I am guided next. I am also stepping back from my Role as leader in our tribe and observing the blossoming of others in their power.

My dream is to travel and teach the wheel, to help build functional, sustainable communities, to show how the wheel can serve us in every aspect of our lives. I would love to bring these teachings to parents and teachers, anyone who works with children so they can have some tools to build healthy egos.

The ancient wisdom still applies today, even more so than ever if we are to survive this transition and earth changes. The momentum towards destruction is out of hand and

we need more creation energy to bring it into balance. A connection with nature is crucial to our survival.

I pray that this Solstice and Moon of Metamorphosis will bring us all what we need in our lives to evolve, transform, survive and thrive in all areas of our lives.

As I prepare to leave for Vancouver to visit my son Eli and, friends Christy and Ryan, I pray that the women who are looking for what the Moonlodge has to offer, will find their way to us.

I am sure that the Dreaming will bring us together in celebration and ritual. We will do a rites of passages to help the final spin of the wheel before starting a new cycle with the Moon of Welcoming in January!

I don't do Christmas anymore, but I do connect with the Christ love each year and fill my heart with goodness and love.

I will be back in 2011.

Meanwhile my website is finally up and running at www.wheelkeeper.com

Firekeeper Wind, Magic, My New Website and More...

2010-12-05T23:22:00.003-07:00

1969, Vancouver, BC

I've come a long ways from my Hippie days of weaving hand-made looms. Looking back, I can see that each chapter of my life was Divinely guided. I am full with the richness of experiences that are varied, magical and uniquely mine. Being a rebel from the start, I never walked the beaten path, I always was drawn to the wild places that had no human tracks to follow. I guess you could say I am a trailblazer.

As we enter this Firekeeper Wind today, December 5th, on the New Moon, and the same day as the planet Uranus goes Direct in Pisces, I feel a renewed vitality and passion for life. Firekeeper is my Role in the West of my Wheel and my totem is a magical creature, a rainbow butterfly! We all have some part of us that is mythical, mystical or magical. The Firekeeper is the part of us that believes in Magic and Miracles. Today, with science being in the forefront, so many have lost their belief in the supernatural. Logic has replaced intuition and faith.

Christmas is a Christian concept that in some way, awakens the belief in miracles if even for a moment in time. Winter Solstice is also coming up soon and according to our Traditions it is a time for making our wishes for the year to come. Wishes are an important part of life. We make wishes all the time. At our Medicine Wheel Circle on Saturday, I showed the group how to use the Wheel to make wishes and continue to work with them all the way through. I think the problem people have with wishes is that they think they don't have to do anything to help them manifest. They forget that we are CO-creators of our world.

This Firekeeper Winds heralds in a new chapter for me in my life. It is not surprising, seeing as Firekeeper is at the beginning of the wheel. Making wishes, vows or setting intentions are what ignites the Sacred Fire of Creation, it gets our Wheels turning and brings challenges and experiences that eventually lead us to beauty and abundance. Even New Years Eve resolutions are linked to the Medicine Wheel traditions.

The onset of my New Website at this time is perfect timing as we end a solar and lunar year and the cosmological influences are lining up in a way that is unprecedented, bringing new opportunities for growth, new attitudes and awareness for all humanity.

I welcome you to my world, a world of beauty and abundance, fire and passion, a world with those who are searching for something different, for ancient wisdom, grounded wisdom, unconditional love, real honesty and integrity, truth seekers of all kinds....

The Sacred Fire burns strong in my heart and soul as I turn a page in my book of life and open myself to the world, so others of like-mind may benefit from the teachings, from my stories and experiences.

I am just a small link in a bigger chain, a student, a teacher, a fellow traveler on a narrow path of those who walk with the Ancestors in service to Creator and Mother Earth.

If you feel called to join a path that takes you out of the mainstream and leads you to the wildest parts of your soul, you just might discover your natural and true self, apart from the layers of programs, illusions and indoctrinations that society, religion and culture has put upon you.

MOON OF HUMILITY & INITIATOR WIND

2010-11-22T00:59:00.003-07:00

This Moon is exceptionally powerful this time around due to the fact that we are also in the Initiator Wind and in the month of November. All of these are situated in the Northwest of the Wheel. I don't know if we have ever had these line up like that before, but to me it shows a greater focus on what these represent.

The Winds and Moons are powers of Nature that influence us in our daily lives.The Winds give us our challenges and the Moons show us where we are at emotionally.

Having Initiator as a Role and seeing how it works in my life has brought me to a place of humility. Our Roles are bigger than us and when we step back and allow them to work through us, we are being in service to the Wheel, Creator and Mother Earth. Its tough being an Initiator because we trigger issues in others and then we have to deal with the backlash of their reactions. An Initiated Initiator will be able to stand strong in their Centre when this occurs. If we do react to the reactions of others, we know we still have work to do.

My teacher Okwaho wrote about the Moon of Humility that if we are relatively balanced in our previous moons, "...we begin to think for ourselves and we become humble in the knowledge of the world around us and in us".

At our Moonlodge on Saturday, I felt humbled by the presence of strong women who were humble enough to be in their power (Medicine) and also to humbly listen as their were being shown their unresolve and broken moons.

This Moon is important because it is at age 11, the time that we get initiated into finding our purpose in life, that which will lead us to happiness and wellness. We live this Moon again at ages 24, 37,50, 63, 76....

At age 24, I found myself a young mother with a two year old son and a mentally ill husband. We had just moved from Vancouver to Montreal, and a huge ancestral story was about to unfold.

At age 37, in 1988, I was in the process of leaving my marriage and going on a journey of self-discovery, I had chosen to face my fears and go out on my own. It took a lot of courage to do this at the time and I have no regrets. I lived through so much, so many adventures and lessons, that my life reads like a novel, full of exciting characters, dreams and initiations.

At 50, I returned to my origins, the place of my birth, this time to care-take my aging parents. I was fulfilling a sacred contract as Keeper of the Elders and Keeper of the Dead, although at the time, I did not know of these Inner Roles on the Medicine Wheel. I was merely following my inner and outer guidance.

A few years ago I went through an Initiation of my Initiator. It was probably one of the most challenging initiations of my life. I had been going in the wrong direction and had to find my way back to my path, my community and my teachers. It took a year of hard work and incredible humility, humiliation and determination.

Initiations do not happen overnight and humility is not easily learned. Our ego defenses are very strong and resistant to change. As Okwaho says, it often takes humiliation to become humble.

Recently I had to initiate our entire tribe and stand strong when the backlash came. It was a great test for me and them. What was great is that they all went to a place of humility and did their work. This wheel is not over yet but I have hope for us all. I trust this group more than any other before because they have proved their devotion to the path of truth.

I am glad to be an Elder now and have all these experiences behind me. There will be more initiations and more opportunities to find humility. I believe that aging alone humbles us, as we look back and see how perfect our lives have been and how powerful and powerless we are at the same time.

Okwaho says that Humility is needed to pass through the gates to the Dreaming. When we are being initiated, if we can see it as an opportunity to grow and learn, instead of being defensive and reactive, we will find our way to Creator, we will pass through the gates.

***Initiators are also known as Sacred Clowns. The photo at the top is one Halloween when I discovered as aspect of my Inner Clown. I named her Hettie Carbuncle.

Wheelkeeping

2010-11-15T10:56:00.004-07:00

It seems that the Universe wanted me to go out and teach the wheel. Since 1991, when I started on this path, I have done Medicine Wheel Circles, Moonlodges, Healing Circles, lectures and workshops in Montreal, Quebec, Grande Prairie Alberta, Victoria, Silverton, and Nelson, British Columbia.Right now in GP I have been working with others in the building a Shamanic community.

My son commented once that I seem to form community where ever I go. I attribute this to the magnetism of the Wheel that flows through me. The Medicine Wheel is all about inter-relations, among other things. It shows us how to be balanced and functional on personal, collective, universal and cosmic levels.It has a magnetic force that attracts and magnifies what is in the environment so we can see what the messages and lessons are for us to learn. It connects us to something bigger than ourselves, to Spirit and Nature.

Some of the Circles I've initiated are still going. It feels good to know that. It is good to train other wheelkeepers and see the results of my labours blossom into sustainable communities. But other groups seem to dissipate after I leave. Not everyone has what it takes to hold together a community. Not everyone is a wheelkeeper, but everyone has their Role on the Wheel of Life. I'm not talking just about western jobs, I am talking about our deeper life purpose. My purpose is to live, learn and teach the Wheel. Now I am finding others who can carry on the work, leaving me free to travel more and to take time to write.

On December 18, 2010, I will be doing a Full Moon Circle in Vancouver, BC. I am really excited about meeting new women who are called to the magic and mystery of Grandmother Moon and the Medicine Wheel. I love the path I'm on. Sure it has its challenges and initiations, but each one brings me closer to Wholeness. Each step brings me closer to the realization of my dreams and vision and I feel clearer, stronger, more confident and integrated. I have this path and my teachers to thank for that.

As I work on editing and organizing my memoires, I realize how many adventures I've lived, things that many people just read about. My life has not been "normal" in the sense that I don't follow the mainstream. Once a rebel, always a rebel. I never fit in with the crowd and wondered why. It took me 40 years to find out who I really was, because there was no one I knew who I could relate to about what I was living. We didn't have internet access in those days and connections were harder to make. I was never interested in material things and social status. I was not ambitious in that way. I wanted to know the deeper workings of my soul. I wanted to be real and follow my heart and spirit. I had to earn my way, to prove my commitment all the way in order to find my path and teachers.

But it is all perfect in the end. The timing of every detail of my life is so perfect, how can I doubt anything? When I began holding Medicine Wheel circles, it was a CALLING. It happened so naturally that it took me awhile to question what I was doing. But when I did, my dreams confirmed that I was indeed doing the right thing. I always tried to follow my Spirit guidance and go where I was meant to go. There is a freedom in that that few to live. I am truly blessed.

It is great to meet like-minded souls on the path who seek what Shamanism and the Wheel have to offer, and who have much to offer themselves with their stories and wisdom learned. I realize that this path is not for everyone and I am not here to convert anyone. Some will come and try it out and leave for various reasons and that is fine too. They will receive something wonderful from the experience. Others will just "know" it is what they have been looking for. The few kindred souls that decide to walk the Red Road with us are welcomed with open arms.

My gratitude this day and every day to the Ancestors who lived and died to preserve the Sacred Ways. I also give thanks to my teachers and all those who I met along the way who inspired me to continue this work. It is not always easy, but the rewards are priceless.

Hau!

P.S. The photo is at a Gathering with our Teaches from Quebec. I am the one standing in the back. Our teacher Gerard Peyrot is a gentle soul with a great sense of humor, and I love him dearly. He gives a lot to his students and always brings us back to reality! He sees right through you and always speaks truth with a quiet power.

LET'S NOT FORGET...........

2010-11-11T19:47:00.002-07:00

Today is REMEMBRANCE DAY in Canada and Veterans Day in the US.

But let's not forget the Brave Warriors, our Ancestors who gave their lives for THIS land!

Many of our Aboriginal Ancestors endured unbelievable suffering and pain to keep the traditions and sacred ways that we now follow. Without them, we would not have the drum circles, sacred songs, medicine wheel circle, pipe ceremonies, sweatlodges, sundances and the many other prayers and rituals that help us connect to Earth and Spirit.

Today, I give thanks for our Aboriginal Ancestors and those who continue to serve today...

The Hereafter

2010-11-02T10:38:00.004-06:00

With Halloween behind us and being in the darkest time of the year, the subject of Ghosts naturally comes up in conversations. I am reading a book called "The Complete Book of GHOSTS, A Fascinating Exploration of the Spirit World, from Apparitions to Haunted Places". Its by Paul Roland, Arcturius Books.

Its worth reading, very comprehensive study, a believable and scientific documentation of the Ghost Realm with a historical approach.

At some point, I was glad to see that they do make a distinction between Spirits and Ghosts. In Shamanism, we see Spirits as the Wholeness of a person. Ghosts are the parts of us that are unresolved. These parts get stuck in the "In-Between", until they can find resolve. When we reincarnate, we may gather up those parts of ourselves again and try to bring resolution. We will incarnate in situations where we are forced to deal with unpleasant issues, often it has to do with our birth families, which explains why family dynamics are so challenging.

There is more to us and our world than we know, or can even imagine. At our Great Gathering in Quebec, our Shaman brought us messages from the Ghost Realm. It was sad to see how many lost souls there are out there needing to make peace with something or someone. John Edwards, the renowned American psychic, gives messages from the dead to loved ones who are still living. It seems that many won't cross over until they let their relatives know they are okay.

The TV show "Ghost Whisperer" deals with the dead who are stuck in- between. They are called Earth bound spirits. "Medium", another popular series, is about a Dreamer who sees the dead and deaths of murder victims and works for the Pheonix Police. It is based on a true life story.

At the Gathering, were told that the in-between is a grey, lonely place, and that it is sad that the living don't acknowledge the existence of the Ghost Realm or even the Spirit world. We have been programmed to deny it. According to the book that I am reading, at one time the Catholic Church forbade any communication with Spirits. That changed only in 1952 with Pope Pius XII, who cousin was the co-founder of the Jung Institute and President of the International Society for Catholic Parapsychologists.

Now we see books and movies out with zombies, ghosts and all kinds of evil monsters. "Twilight" brings out the human side of Vampires, showing their struggles, passions, fears and loves.

The main purpose in general around mention of ghosts is usually to instill fear. But from what I've learned, if you see or feel Ghosts around you, they are usually asking for your help. Sometimes they even come to learn and heal from us. We have something they need to be able to continue on their way.

We had a young man who lived with us awhile back. He was on medications for depression and carried a heavy burden. I was worried that he might commit suicide, but trusted that he was sent to us for a reason. He ended up moving back home where his grandmother could look out for him. When he moved, he left behind not his Ghost, (the unresolved part of him), but his Spirit (his wholeness). This was an unexpected twist on things. It seems that his Spirit needed a safe place to hide while his body and the unresolved part of his soul worked things out. We accepted his need for a refuge with a time limit to it. There is many ways to be of service in this world and the next.....

If more people believed in the Hereafter, Spirit and Ghosts, I think they would live their lives differently, with more consciousness of what they create, and what they leave behind, knowing that their unresolved parts will go to the in-between, or what Christians call purgatory.

If more people believed in reincarnation, what would they do different, knowing that they will have to come back again and live the consequences of what they manifested in their past life? How would they treat the Earth differently, knowing they would have to come back and live with the mess they created?

I am going to see the Movie "Hereafter" tonight and am hoping that it gives an accurate portrayal of the Ghost realm and the after-life.

The Ghost realm of course is just a part of what is in the invisible to us. It is a matter of different levels of being, like different rooms in a house Life is circular and never-ending, the universe is vast and infinite..... we just need to believe and the doors of perception will open wide.

P.S. November 3, 2010
*The movie was excellent, with good acting, special effects and an accurate portrayal of the hereafter. But they only touched on it, as usual, didn't go too deep. Nonetheless, it is great to see movies like this coming out of Hollywood!

Life and Death

2010-10-15T12:01:00.004-06:00

BEAUTY IN DEATH

I have been in silence for awhile. There is so much going on with our Tribal process and the Great Gathering in Quebec.... so much to integrate. It is important to take time to sit with our experiences. I find that I can get too full and need to empty out. I do this by reflecting and writing things down so I can review what I lived and see where I need to go next.

"May you live in interesting times".... I just learned that this is a Chinese expression and that it is actually a veiled curse. We do live in interesting times. Time is speeding up and the veil between worlds is thinning. We can't get away with the things like we did in the past. We are being forced to be more conscious, to be more accountable for our actions. I remember reading somewhere that the Angels or our Guides are stepping back and letting us fall flat on our faces so we can get the lessons we need to grow and heal. It is essential that we take advantage of this window of time that we have left in order to push through our unresolve.

At the Great Gathering, my Teacher and Shaman Okwaho Lablanc, went into the Dreaming and gave us messages from the In-between, from those who have passed over. My Mom, who died in 2008 was there. She said that there is a change in the magnetic field of the planet and it is attracting danger form something outside itself - like a magnet. This energy is helping us to grow faster. It is a great opportunity, so lets make the most of it. Like my Dad (who passed over in 2004) said to me in a dream... "Do not take your old baggage with you when you move on".

This is something we all should be doing anyways. I learned that when I lay dying in the hospital in 1982. The most important thing to do in life is to be prepared to die. How many people consider their deaths, there is so much denial, fear and avoidance of this reality.

I was not ready to die back in '82. I was filled with rage, hatred and unresolve. When I recovered, I knew that I was given another chance to look at myself and what I needed to do with my life in order to heal the wounds of childhood and past lives.

How many people are willing and able to do this kind of work on themselves? The general population would rather go through life with blinders on, living superficial, unfulfilled lives. Yet, this is no longer an option. The Earth herself is overloaded with our shit, our garbage and excess electrical energy. She cannot tolerate this anymore.

There are many ways to do our part on this planet. Some will be called to be prophets and speak out against injustice, pollution and so on... Others will be Warriors and will stand and fight for the trees, they will go and clean up the oil spills and rescue the animals, or rescue people in crisis, etc. The Healers will deal with the wounded and sick.

Still others will work in smaller ways, doing what they feel called to do, whether it is doing their inner work, forming or join ing communities that work together for the good of all, or teaching something of value, walking their talk, living in balance in their daily lives, connecting to the Environment around them and doing whatever is needed...

Whatever you do to help in the process of Creation will help to counteract the mass destruction and separation - the unconscious attitudes and behaviors of others.

There is nothing that is too small to make a difference if you realize that your words and actions have an impact, that you are powerful and can make a difference by being the best that you can be.

As I always say, "Assume your positions". Be where you are called to be, do what you are called to do and let Spirit do the rest.

Whatever happens, when the times comes, I just want to be ready to die in a good way, to be able to say that I lived my life the best I could with what I was given. I want to be able to look Creator in the eye and know that I earned my place in paradise.

Hau!

Walking a Shamanic Path

2010-09-20T14:28:00.007-06:00

Once or twice a year, I go to one of the many workshops. retreats or Gatherings with my teachers, Lisa Foss Tardiff (Okwaho Lablanc) and Gerard Peyrot (Natza). The last retreat was in the Rocky Mountains at a retreat near Golden, BC in June of 2010. These events are always exciting, mysterious, and challenging, as we explore Traditional Aboriginal Dreaming, Shamanism, community and the Medicine Wheel.

As I prepare for the Great Gathering of September 2010, I find myself reflecting back upon my journey that brought me this far....

I met Lisa in 1991 when I lived in Montreal. I was teaching the Medicine Wheel at the time and our connection was destiny in the making. It makes me realize that there are no accidents and we meet who we are supposed to meet when the time is right.

Lisa fascinated me because her connection to Spirit was so tangible. And she was a great Dreamer. I didn't understand much at first, but over the years, I have experienced and learned so much from her about Shamanism and Dreaming. She showed me the Medicine Wheel in ways that I never knew existed/

I would not be where I am today without her and Gerard pushing me, encouraging me, bringing awareness of what I need in order to grow (breaking illusions), and helping me to become more conscious of my attitudes, words and actions. They showed me my strengths and weaknesses with no judgments or expectations on their part.

I have journeyed with so many parts of my Inner Community on my personal wheel that I feel full, blessed and proud to be who I am and where I am at on my journey. The lessons continue, but the wheel spirals ever forward with accumulated wisdom and experiences being added to my medicine bag. The rewards of this path are incredible, if you are willing to do the work on yourself to bring balance, awareness and sacredness back into your life. It is challenging on all levels, it is not for the faint of heart... but each step makes you stronger.

This path is not for everyone, it is for those who feel the call. It is not easy to bridge the gap between Western and Shamanic; it takes a huge leap of faith, trust and determination. Some walk with us for awhile and leave wiser and happier, having gotten something that they needed. Others come and fall hard because it is not what they expected and they don't understand our ways, our language, our beliefs and values. They may get angry and lash out. Others just realize it isn't for them and go off in another direction. Unfortunately, there are also those who take and don't give back, they take the teachings and misrepresent them as theirs! This is deceitful and harmful to all involved. They are not living what they are teaching.

Some are those who are attracted to Shamanism because of the Dreaming, Soul Retrieval, Totemic realities etc.... They like the mystery and magic, the language and the rituals or ceremonies. All of these can be found in many New Age Shamanic groups... to a point... For those who want to go deeper, the mountain is high and steep, the journey is long and challenging. It takes courage, determination, brutal self-honesty and many lessons in letting go of expectations, judgments imbalances, guilt, shame, jealousy and so on.....

For me, walking a Shamanic path means continuously striving to walk in balance and integrity with humility and humor. It means not taking myself too seriously, but also being real about who I am and where I am at. It means being committed to my path, my teachers and medicine partner. It is about doing my best to follow the dreaming, to grow, heal and learn, and to give back however and whenever I can. It also means letting go of those who I love who choose other paths and trusting that we are all where we need to be.

I may have stumbled and fallen many times on this bumpy road, but I keep on going, picking myself up, and becoming wiser with each passing year.

This year, I am celebrating 19 years of consciously walking this path, although I am beginning to realize I stepped onto it long before... But each step has brought me closer to my Self and to Creator.

I am indeed grateful for all the forces... Spirits, teachers and friends that have crossed my path over the years. Becoming an Elder on the Red Road, means that I can sit back a little and revel in the glory of my accomplishments. I can be here as a guide for those who are just stepping onto the Red Road, by sharing my stories, experiences and wisdom with them - for those who want to listen.

As I look at all the adventures I have lived, I believe that I have been fortunate to live a rich and full life. I have come a long ways from the lost child that I was. I have learned to trust when there is nothing to hope for, to persevere when it seems that the entire universe is conspiring against me or when I am in deep pain and sorrow, to stand in my truth when others are hurling accusations my way. I've learned to not let my ego rule my actions.

I have learned to do my own inner work quietly and thoroughly, and to not judge others, for I too have stumbled along those side roads that took me nowhere. I too had to find my way back. The Red Road is off the beaten path, it is rugged and narrow. It is a path for Spiritual Warriors willing to carry the burden of truth in spite of the consequences. In the end, it can give you everything you ever wanted and more.

I find a deep peace within me that feels solid. I also feel a sadness for the loss and separation that occurs as the Wheel brings challenges that many are not able, willing or ready to handle. But in the end Spirit guides us all to where we need to be.

I feel the end of a chapter in my life and a pause before turning the next page. I don't know what is around the corner, I can only see the next step in front of me. But I've lived long enough now to know that if you walk with Spirit, Spirit takes care of you.

Hau!

Countdown to 2012

2010-09-14T13:02:00.007-06:00

We are getting closer and closer to 2010. The changes that are happening are huge! It is as if we are going extinct as a species. Humans have to make tremendous adaptations on all levels in order to survive.

It feels like it is time to move up to another level of consciousness and being. There is no more time to waste with petty human quarrels, ego power struggles and notions of separateness. We are all in this together and we all need to find our strengths and weaknesses, our power and purpose, our gifts, our path...

Those who don't will be left behind. It is not easy for anyone to let go of lifetimes of old baggage, ancestral stories, karmic patterns and dysfunctional behaviors. I struggle with my own issues and humanness every day. I fight the demons of depression, of hopelessness and helplessness. Who of us doesn't have something to deal with, who of us doesn't have some issues to work on? As Jesus said, "Let those who are without sin, cast the first stone".

We are taught from day one to be independent, separate and isolated from others. We all feel alienated or lost or confused at some time or another. How do we go forward to become all that we can be, to fulfill our highest potential when there are so many challenges, so many obstacles in our way? It seems like the forces of darkness are fighting for their lives. A battle of light and dark is underway.

Truth and illusion need to be sorted out. It is nice to believe that rainbows and spaceships will come down out of the sky and rescue us from the mess that was created on this planet. It is terrifying to think that a comet will hit the earth or the poles will shift dramatically, throwing us all into catastrophe and imminent death.

But what if nothing drastic happens? What if December 21, 2010 is just another day? What purpose does all this speculation serve? How has it helped us to become better people at the end of the day?

I believe that no matter what, we need to be working on ourselves every day, to grow and heal and go beyond our perceived limitations. We need to put aside our petty quarrels with one another and get down to the real business at hand. When Y2K was a big concern, and people were stocking up on food in fear of shortages, I just knew that I had to be ready for anything, ready to die in a good way if necessary. How do we do that? I faced death in 1982 when suffering from a severe illness. It was a crucial turning point in my life. I knew I wasn't ready to die because I have many questions about life and death and most of all... I had unresolved issues to deal with, unfinished business. When I recovered from that near death experience, I went on a spiritual quest and didnt' give up until I found my path and my teachers.

And today, the work continues. There are never-ending challenges to confront, but they are here to make us stronger and wiser. When I was young, I knew everything, now I don't know much at all. I can only watch and shake my head in bewilderment at the human situation and the choices we make in our lives. I can only wonder how things got so out of hand, how we can destroy the very ground, air and water we depend upon.

Each of us has a place and purpose in this world. Each of us can choose to be a cancerous cell or a white blood cell on the body of Mother Earth. The more hypersensitive I get, the harder the challenge to not get sucked into the collective nightmares of jealousy, competition, ego games and poverty consciousness.

We are being asked to be strong at this time. My teacher Okwaho said that there was a prophecy that our ancestors received. It said that there would be a time when people would not be strong enough to deal with the challenges that life brought them.

Last night I watched a documentary on the life of Sitting Bull. The actor who played him had soft skin compared to the photos of Sitting Bull himself. You could see that Sitting Bull had a hard life, but his eyes burned with life and passion, strength and commitment to truth and justice.

In the end, he got shot by his own people who had joined the white man. He died a warrior, the last Chief to surrender to the invaders. He died saying NO to that which was against his truth, his people, his nature and his rights.

What would I have done in that situation? Would any of us be able to look death in the face and stand strong and brave in our truth? We will all be faced with that dilemma one day, we will all face our death one way or another. It is time to make ready!

Hau!

The Human Ego

2010-08-27T10:05:00.006-06:00

Eckhart Tolle writes an entire book on the ego. It is the basis of many teachings. Buddhism recognizes the ego as something to observe in a detached manner.

In Shamanism, according to the Medicine Wheel, the ego has its place. We see it as INNER CHILDREN. The first 13 years of our lives are spent developing and nourishing the ego so it can be strong and balanced. It is our traumas in childhood, the lack of acknowledgment, not getting our basic needs met, being abused and so on... that create problems later in life. As adults we end up acting out our woundedness and reacting emotionally and inappropriately to the the situation. That is our inner children seeking attention in a dysfunctional or imbalanced manner.

The ego or inner children like attention, they like to have their own way, they think the universe revolves around them. If they don't get their way, they use manipulation, passive aggressive behavior or throw tantrums. This changes somewhat in adults but we all exhibit the same patterns in different forms often in our lives.Pride is another ego defense that keeps us from healing and growing. No one likes to admit they have issues.

This Full Moon of Surrender is teaching us to let go of our ego reactions, admit that we have dysfunctional patterns, ego attachments, fears, jealousy, guilt, unconscious or repressed anger and many other dysfunctional programs inside of us.

The more we resist and deny that we have ego issues, the harder the lessons will be.

So why do we resist? I believe that the ego had a built in defense mechanism, it feels threatened and attacked when someone points out the behaviors that no longer serve ones growth and healing. We don't like hearing that we are "bad", we want to be seen as nice or good. Children feel helpless and powerless and do whatever they can to get their needs met. If we don't get what we need n the first 13 years, we will always be seeking these particular needs throughout our lives.

In Shamanism, we don't judge these behaviors, but we observe them in ourselves and others and work to bring them into balance. We call it doing our Moon Work.

Moons are feminine energy, they are our emotions, which includes both the inner children and the wisdom of the Grandmothers. But men have moons too. Most humans have what we call "broken moons" and this is the root of many of our problems. As one of my teachers, Gerard Peyrot, says, "Moons are 13 ways to get attention".

The great psychologist Carl Jung said to "Know your shadow". The shadow is anything that is in darkness, that which we are unconscious of. By accepting that we have darkness or shadow parts to us, parts that are unconscious, we take the first step towards consciousness and healing.

The ego occupies 13 out of 36 stones on the wheel, they take a lot of space. But they need to be contained and disciplined, loved and nourished. We all have emotional needs and if we deny that, we are cutting off a large part of ourselves. Its when we deny it, that the ego will force its way through in spite or ourselves.

Functional Moons would be okay admitting they have needs, they feel that they have a right to express themselves or be heard without being overly dramatic or demanding. Sometimes we need a hug, touch or someone to listen to us. These needs are a natural part of our human nature. If we are balanced in our Moons, we don't over-react to things, we are able to listen, be humble, use reasoning, etc.

I don't believe that we should try to repress our emotions or inner children, but they do need to be contained and sometimes they need tough love to put them back in their place. It takes a strong mature adult to do this. It takes humility and wisdom to see where the problems are, and accountability and responsibility to do the hard work on ourselves. But we can't do it ourselves, we can't always see ourselves as others see us. We can't always be objective and detached. Yet, in Shamanism, we don't hold any of this against one another, we don't use our "imperfections" as an excuse to judge or persecute someone. We recognize that we all have broken moons and we all need to work on them.

The ego permeates everything throughout our modern society, everything is based on ego these days. Fulfilling the ego needs is the basis for buying and selling products and services. But we cannot fulfill the ego through external devices or by looking outside ourselves.

Humans have put themselves in the center of the wheel instead of on the subconscious loop where they belong. Moons revolve around the center, they ebb and flow with the phases of the moon. They are changeable and unpredictable. Being led by our Moons has created a lot of havoc, unconscious behaviour and irreparable damage on all levels, in relationships, society, the world and the Earth.

If we can put the ego in its place, nourish our emotional needs, do our moon work, and come to the wisdom of our feeling bodies, then we can put the collective wheel back into balance and put God or Creator at the Center again.The Moon of Surrender is especially strong this month as we come back to where we were at the Blue Moon on December 31, 2009, so lets all try not to get swept up in emotions and lets all surrender to something bigger than ourselves.

Hau!

Wheelkeeper

Teacher Role and Western Programs

2010-08-21T16:32:00.003-06:00

My dad always wanted me to be a Teacher. Being rebellious, I choose not to become one. But I think he knew something I didn't know. He just didn't know WHAT KIND of teacher I was to become.

When I started on this path, I was already 39 years old with lots of life experience behind me. I began teaching the Medicine Wheel almost immediately after my initiation with the Wolf Clan tribe. Grandmother Twylah Nitsch always said that Wolf was Teacher.

I didn't know how I knew the things I knew about the wheel or how to go about teaching. I didn't question it, I just did it. After awhile though, I did question my right to teach. I hadn't been brought up by Traditional Medicine People, I didn't have anyone to consult with about anything. So who could I ask?

Well, I asked Spirit.

Then I got a dream, a memory of a past life where I was Native. I saw the whole story, my entire life, marriage and death and even after death. It was incredible and confirmed that I was indeed on my path. I continued hosting Circles and they helped a lot of people find beauty, power and healing.

Over the years I was the target a few times from both Natives and Whites. Being Metis and looking white can cause all kinds of judgments in people, especially when you do what I do. I learned at an early age to not care what people thought, to listen to my own heart and to my Spirit guidance. I've had gossip and persecution from all sides, even threats and attempted curses put on me. Some of these hurt and some threw me off my path for a short time. But, hey, if it's yours, it will come back to you, right?

Its been 20 years now that I walked the red road as teacher, pathfinder and healer. And it seems that things never change. The persecution, the expectations, the western programs still occur from both red and white people. It seems that the abuse of authority in our society has caused many to mistrust anyone who is teacher. And that some people judge you by the color of your skin, not by your heart and spirit.

Also. I find that almost everyone expects a Spiritual Teacher to be some kind of angelic saint with wings and no human shortcomings. They would put me on a pedestal and then hate me when I fell off of it, into my own programs and issues. Once I picked myself up, I would find that I lost their respect because I was human.

In our culture, we do not judge our humanness, weaknesses or ego. We see everything as being balanced or imbalanced, and do the work we need to do to find balance. It is when we are in denial or resistance to looking at ourselves that is the problem. That is when we need others to show us where we are.

We do not hold the image of someone's dysfunctions in our minds, we hold an image of them in their power, of us in our power, even as we stumble and fall or go off our path. We are not our issues! We are much greater than that, we are all powerful and divine creatures. We are human, animal, spirit and more..... If we continuously only see each others issues and not our medicine, we are missing a huge part of the picture.

It would be nice if we were all perfect, if we lived in a world where there was no issues, no ego, no judgments or persecution. I say, "Just take the message, don't judge the messenger". We often overlook the message being given because we see only the person in their issues. We deprive ourselves of a great gift when we do this.

Yes Dad, you were right, I am a Teacher, I have lots of knowledge and wisdom given to me through life experiences. But I don't teach what you can learn in books or in schools. What I teach comes from Spirit, Nature, the Ancestors and the Medicine Wheel. I teach Sacred Ways.

Sometimes, the way I teach can trigger people's issues, sometimes I am harsh, I am an Initiator, I have my own issues and I can be impatient with people. I also had to let go of western programs of what a teacher and how it is different from the Shamanic perspective. I now use my own lessons and imperfections and stories to teach. I use myself as an example of imperfection and how to use the Medicine Wheel as a guide towards perfection.

What I teach something incredible that can change people's lives for the better, that can help to heal the Earth, that can bring healing on so many levels, something that can connect us to the Stars and our Ancestors, to bring healing to past and future generations. It can bring people together, it can help to bring up healthy children, help to grow good crops, to make it rain so the crops can grow. It brings consciousness and connectedness with all life everywhere. The teachings I bring are infinite and yet practical at the same time.

How much more can anyone ask?

The power of Ritual

2010-08-21T15:57:00.004-06:00

BEAUTY IN DEATH

A friend of mine recently had a death of someone near to them. Then last night I watched the movie "What Dreams May Come", for the third time. It stars Robin Williams in a serious role where there is lots of death and grief. It is a beautful story of Life, Death, the Hereafter and raises some questions as to where our souls go when we die. I always love to explore the topic of death, having faced it a few times myself in various ways.

From the movie I was reminded of how painful the loss of a loved one can be. I remember years ago when I worked at a Jewish Retreat for Seniors in the Laurentiannes in Quebec one summer. There was a beautiful older couple who had lost their daughter years ago. She had fallen over the falls at Niagra Falls. No one knows if it was suicide or an accident. She was alone when it happened. She was 18 years old when she died. There was no indication that she was depressed or suicidal, she had a promising future.

Part of the grief of the parents was that they blamed themselves. The wife had done a lot of her grieving and the husband had tried to be strong for her, just like in the movie I watched last night.

I felt their grief everytime they came in the room. So one day I asked them if they wanted help to let go of the grief. They looked at each other and nodded. I told them to come to the art room, (where I worked) the next morning.

Meanwhile, I was thinking to myself, "What the heck are you doing? What makes you think you can help these poor greiving people?" But something was working through me and I trusted.

The next day when they arrived, I got them to write a letter to their daughter, saying all the things they wanted to say to her. I got the couple to sit on opposite sides of the room so they could each be in their grief alone, not to feel one had to carry the other. They wrote and cried as I held the space for them.

Then we took the letters outside to a creek in the woods. I smudged and drummed, asking for them to be free of the pain and guilt they carried. The wind came and I felt the acknowledgment of my request. Then I gave them matches to burn the letters, releasing the pain with it. There were signs from nature that showed me that this was working.

When we got back to the art room, I gave them a blank sheet of paper and colored crayons, and asked them to draw a healing image for themselves. The results were incredible. We talked and they said they felt a great burden lifted from them. I was amazed at the transformation. They went away to prepare for lunch. When I saw them in the dining room, the woman had changed her clothes and done her hair differently. She was glowing, and smiling for the first time since I saw her. The man also looked lighter, but I told her that now she needed to be strong for him, as he had done for her. He still had some grieving to do, having put it on hold.

They were so grateful, they wanted to pay me and told me to come visit them, that I was like a daughter to them. I never saw them again after that summer, but I was left with the impression of how magic, mystery and ritual can have a powerful impact on our lives.

I am grateful to have been able to be of service to such a lovely couple who suffered such an incredible loss.

Appreciating the Nomad

2010-08-03T22:26:00.015-06:00

Traveling the continent

My favorite Nomad is my son, Eli. He is a free spirit that has traveled the world and is living a life of adventure: from being a street performer, fitness instructor, and business man, art auctioneer on a cruise ship... to bungee jumping in New Zealand, swimming with sharks, visiting the best art museums in Europe, standing heads above the crowd in China (he is 6'3"), to living in the Dominican Republic and becoming a Yoga instructor and circus performer... his life is rich and full. Even as a baby, he was only happy when he was on the move, in his baby carrier in the back of the car. He ran away from home when he was 1 1/2 years old, went on the road at age 17... and lived more lifetimes in the 37 years than most people can imagine.

Dominican Republic

As we come to the end of the Nomad Wind, coupled with the Moon of Inter-Relations, I find that I am appreciating my son and how he lives his life. Many people would judge him, saying he should settle down, but the Nomad is all about change... and making connections. In the past, the Nomad of the tribe was the one who would seek out new hunting or camping grounds. They were storytellers and would bring news of other tribe. This would help them all stay in touch. The Nomads are the ones who were most sensitive to the Earth Changes and would tell their tribe when it was time to leave the area for safety reasons. They knew where the safe places were located, they felt the earth through their bodies.

My son has seen a lot and has a very unique perspective on the world. It has been a burden to him in some ways as it is hard for us part-time Nomads to understand.In some ways, it is a lonely role and not appreciated by our world today. For those of you who know someone that travels the world, take the time to listen to their stories, they have a lot to share and can open your mind to new perspectives. The Nomad part of the wheel is in the Southeast, it is where we go beyond our own little boxes and surrender to the unknown. In these uncertain times, we need a bit of the Nomad in all of us, to accept a state of not-knowing where we are going, not knowing what it going to happen next.... as if we ever do know anyways! But we like the security of thinking we know. The Nomad blows apart our illusions and that is a good thing... then we are more open to following where spirit is leading us on our journey.

Fire and Yoga!

For the rest of us homebodies... we can still experience change and growth and enjoy making connections. Change happens internally, and in our own little part of the world as well and you may have noticed a lot of movement in your life this past month.

I can't wait to see what the next Wind brings.

Links to My son's websites:

http://www.allstarcircus.com/

arjunayoga.com

http://eliasarjan.net/

EliasArjan.net

And his latest......

http://inovizion.com/

7th MOON OF INTER-RELATIONS: JULY 25, 2010

2010-07-30T16:13:00.004-06:00

This Moon is a favorite one of mine now. It wasn't always that way. Having a mouse totem for this Moon was a big challenge for me. It is amazing how one Moon differs from the other.The Totem for my 6th Moon of Territoriality is a Grizzly Bear! Yikes! It wouldn't come out often, but I see how it works now. I needed lots of space in my life, and when someone crossed my boundaries, I would bite their head off. I don't anger easily but push the wrong button and Watch Out! It took years for me to bring this into balance, as most Moons do.

So the switch from a Predator to a Prey Totem is huge! I find that in groups I would often become "mousy" and quiet, when in this Totem. It seems that I would say the wrong thing and trigger someone to attack or reprimand me. I was bullied constantly as a kid, by my brother mostly. Become a prey and the predator appears. There is a difference between Predator and Prey versus Bully and Victim.

The former, when conscious and functional, is a willing sacrifice of oneself, so another can find their power. Unfortunately in our Western Society, the prey role is not understood or respected. So it becomes a Bully-victime scenario with no one coming into their power, only using their power over others for the sake of feeling more powerful, when it fact it is not true power and not sustainable. All power should be in service to the greater good of all. A functional Predator will honor its prey. In fact, when one animal devours another, it is to obtain the wisdom and nourishment of that animal. They take in their DNA and merge with the prey.

This 7th Moon of Inter-Relations is incredible for me, seeing as I am also in it for the entire year, since my birthday. Being the 5th round of the Wheel in this Life, I have gone through my Moons four times and have brought them into the maturity and wisdom of the Grandmothers.

When issues or broken Moons arise, I find that I go through the process quickly and don't get stuck ni fear, resistance - I don't get tied in a know over it. This is one of the rewards of being an Elder and

doing so much of my own Moonwork in this life. What a relief it is to sail through the emotions without the drama!

I am also finding that I feel more connected to myself, my cat, the trees outside my house, the neighbours, the Wind, Moon and Stars... That is what we mean when we say "All My Relations".

I would like to hear from others. What is this Moon teaching or healing for you? How are you doing with Inter-Relations in your life? Where do you see yourself needing to go or do to heal relationships?

Wheelkeeper

* The image at the top is the budgies we had, Star and Sky. They brought a lot of pleasure to my parents and me and taught a lot about relationships. We thought they were male and female and it turned out to be two males... they were actually competitive, showing off who could swing, fly.. better than the other. They were good buddies!

Medicine Wheel in Blewitt, BC

2010-07-09T22:16:00.003-06:00

This is the second entry about my travels to BC and doing MW circles there. (See previous post).

After doing the Moonlodge in Silverton, I headed up to Nelson, BC. I lived there for four years from 1997-2001, and had some friends I wanted to visits. Also, I love the wildness of the mountains and how Nature dominates over humanity there. The mountains are rugged, lush and wild and many of the people I know live there because they prefer to live in harmony with Mother Earth. Many of them try to live naturally as possible, and I admire them for that.

I wasn't sure if I would be doing a circle there or not, but when some women found out what I do, one volunteered to hold it at her place. It turns out she had the perfect place amongst some giant cedar trees for an outdoor wheel. The sound of the stream provided a wonderful background symphony.

We spent an afternoon gathering stones in a sacred manner. I was impressed with F\s openness and willingness to learn about the wheel. She had a great love for the land the stone people. We prepared the space and blessed it.

On the night of the circle,10 women showed up. It was not a Moonlodge, but a circle to awaken the Ancestors of the land and to create a sacred space. The teachings always take a different form at each circle. But the outcome is always one of intimacy, profound learning and healing. And of course the drumming always brings in good energies.

I had each women bring a candle and pick a stone. Then they placed the candle by the stone they chose and the effect was beautiful as the sun was sinking low over the mountains. In the cozy shelter of the trees, we learned, laughed, cried and shared what we were living and how it fit with the stone we had gotten. Without knowing anything about the wheel, the women were once again astounded how much they learned about themselves and each other.

I learned after that although they had known each other for years, they had never shared on such an intimate level. I love how the Wheel brings people closer together. The woman whose land it was, invited them to come to visit the wheel anytime, and they will continue to do circles together there.

Once again the Medicine Wheel has brought a group of people together in sacredness. I think of how our Ancestors must have used the Wheel to live, and how today we can do the same. It is my great honor to bring these teachings to others, so they can find better inter-relations - through the love and support of community. The wisdom of the wheel worked for generations and is still relevant today.

Having been part of other communities in the past, I found that they always seem to fall apart, due to fear, power struggles, financial issues, etc. If we would have had the Medicine Wheel teachings as our focus in the past, we could have had a system by which to overcome the challenges that arise when trying to build community. When we put sacredness, honor, trust, growth and the Creator at the center of the wheel, we can't go wrong!

Moonlodge in Silverton, BC

2010-07-09T21:54:00.001-06:00

It has been a Dream of mine to travel and teach the Medicine wheel to people and help build community with the help of the Medicine Wheel. This summer, the dream manifested and the journey has begun! One of many I hope.

On June 30th, I had the privilege to journey to the Interior of British Columbia and do a Moonlodge with 13 women.

My friend Carla organized it for me and rented a space in a Healing Center, so the energy was really nice. We arrived early to set it up and I had no idea how many women were coming. But it turned out to be the exact number of women for each of the moons (not including me).

Like in all Moonlodges, the sharing was profoundly intimate, and the stories were deeply touching. It is always an honor to listen to the struggles the women have to deal with and the courage, strength and love they have in them to overcome their difficulties.

It seems that none of them had really known each other that well before, so this was a first for them. I used the stones on the wheel to show them where they were, explaining that the Wheel has a stone for every experience. They were amazed to see how the Wheel works and to get the knowledge of where they were and how it could help them in their daily lives.

I can't share their stories, but I hope they will come here and give some of their feedback and tell us what they learned and how it applies to their lives.... and what changed for them. One women in particular was grateful to learn about the INITIATOR role, and how it has a purpose and is held sacred by traditional teachings.

Then I had 12 women stand around the wheel, 3 in each quadrant, and asked them to be the voice of the Grandmothers. Each one gave a short message and the Elder in the group gave the 13th message for the center Moon.

There was tears and laughter and hugs all around in the end, as there always is in a Moonlodge, seeing as how close we all feel at the end.

I hope that the women continue to meet and support one another in their journeys. It is important for women to come together to honor the Feminine powers in each one of us and make the connection with Mother Earth and Grandmother Moon.

Journey with my 5th Moon

2010-06-03T09:00:00.001-06:00

From my Moon Journal

(Photo is my Mom & me)

MOON OF OMNIPOTENCE – June 3, 2010

I did some calculations and realized I was mistaken about my dates and ages..... I now believe that I was 5 when I was sexually abused, I had thought I was 6 or 7. It’s all making sense now and becoming clear. I am remembering things again. It was the year I was supposed to have gone to kindergarten but for some reason they left me out, something about me knowing everything they had to teach, not thinking about my need for the social aspect of it. I felt abandoned somehow. Then I was violently sexually abused. It took me out of my body and back to the source. I stayed there for years, and it was beautiful. My consciousness extended to the furthest reaches of the Universe.

At 18, I had finished the one extra course that I needed to take after grad and moved to Ft. St. John to be with my Mom. I got a job in a small McLeod’s store and joined in with the drinking and partying and sex. I got pregnant and went into shame and despair. Without telling anyone, I took a handful of sleeping pills, thinking that would be the end of my problems. But I woke up the next morning. The thing is that I felt different, more clear and alive. I knew exactly what I had to do, and got out of that town, moved down to Vancouver, had an abortion and began a new life. That was when I joined in the Hippie movement. It was so exciting and wonderful and I felt alive and happy again.
Then at age 31, I got sick and almost died. By age 32, I had surgery where they took out my large colon and gall bladder. It took 2 years of in and out of hospital, and three surgeries later... I learned to overcome the attachments to my body, changed my attitude and breezed through the last surgery by creating a positive attitude and atmosphere around me. I felt in control again.

For me, this Moon of Omnipotence seems to be about life and death, and the limitations of my body, feeling powerless over what happens to it.... yet I seem to come out of it by going to a “higher” place and taking some measure of control.

This morning I woke up feeling clear and renewed, just like I did after the suicide attempt and the last surgery. Tears come as I remember the SOURCE that I existed in as a child. It was that memory that kept me going through all the hardships in my life. It is when I lose that connection that I feel helpless and powerless. That is when I feel heavy and sad in my body. That is what I crave when I lost it – to be one with ALL, to be connected and in POWER. I realize that power is not someone I own or control; it is a gift from the Creator. It is always available to me, but it is not me. It is a Mystery, a Moon, and it belongs to each and every one of us, just in different forms, filtered through our own wheels. I feel humbled by this knowledge.

MOON OF OMNITPOTENCE

2010-06-01T09:59:00.002-06:00

According to our teachings, the Moons on the Wheel are Feminine energies. Moons can be experienced as our Inner children (our emotional bodies) as well as the Grandmothers (cosmological influences). .

This month the Full Moon (May 27th) brought us into the Moon of OMNIPOTENCE. This is about the 5-year old who is learning to listen to their inner knowing.

We repeat the Moons every 13 years, so in this case... ages 18, 31, 44, 57, 70.... If you are any of those ages, you will be living the lessons of this Moon until your next birthday.

On a collective level, we live each Moon for one month. This month is the opportunity to explore the theme of Omnipotence and find the common themes that bring us together. This is how we can learn what messages Grandmother Moon is showing us.

In our Moonlodge circle on Saturday night, I asked the women to look at their power and medicine. We spend so much time looking at ourselves critically, in order to heal and grow...... but sometimes we just put ourselves down or make ourselves small. We talked about this and realized that we do this out of programs that were put into us, but also because we are afraid of our egos getting too big - which is a valid concern. But rest assured that the Moon of Humility will come along to bring us into balance. For now, it is time to brag about our greatness!

So when I asked the women to write down what they thought were their gifts, power and medicine... I was happy to see them in general being comfortable with this exercise. But there was some places where there was discomfort, embarrassment and even resistance. But the women helped each other get through these blockages and one woman had an incredible breakthrough! It was amazing to watch. Her body language changed and her entire force field took on a brighter light! She even said she felt different after. She was happy and smiling!

After each woman shared what she saw in herself... we told her what we saw in her as her power or medicine. It was interesting to see what others saw in us that we didn't see in ourselves. I was comfortable in speaking about my roles as Keeper of the Wheel, Keeper of the Shaman or Elders, etc... but forgot all about my Initiator... which shows me that I am still not okay with this role. I know it is a lot to do with Western Attitudes towards us Heyokes who push peoples buttons. In my experience of this role, I have had too many people get angry at me rather than looking at the issues my Initiator brought up for them. It is good to be in a group of people that sees the medicine in things that Westerners just label as "shit-disturbers".

And it is interesting to see how long the lists of attributes were! It is good to be aware of your power. We are amazing powerful people when we are on our paths and following our inner guidance!

So this Moon of Omnipotence, take the time to realize the fullness of your gifts, your wisdom, your strengths, attitude.... etc... all that you have that works for you and inspires others! But sometimes, your medicine is to create chaos and havoc and push peoples buttons. This is where we have to look beyond the Western concepts of power.

(The photo on top is of my Mom and her best friend.. two women of power, wisdom and love who walked their talk with grace and devotion. My Mom could also be a great Initiator. She said it as she saw it, with humor and truth. Not everyone likes to hear truth about themselves!)

IN PRAISE OF MEN!

2010-05-29T00:29:00.008-06:00

Last weekend, my basement flooded!! For over a month before this, we had severe drought conditions, then last weekend... 3 days of torrential downpour.

The leak started in the pantry under the basement stairs on Friday. My friend and handyman, G.S. came to the rescue and sealed it up. He used a type of mud that worked when wet and I thought that was that! No such luck!

On Saturday, we found a puddle of water in the basement bathroom. Two of my (male) friends examined it and decided it was the toilet that was leaking. But when W. dismantled it, he discovered that the water was coming from under the wall. Soon we had the shop vac out sucking it up. \

W. took charge of the situation without hesitation. He even seemed to like the challenge. But soon the water was pouring out faster than the vac could suck it up. We couldn't figure out where the leak was coming from, so we called the city. They sent a man over who said that hundreds of houses in the city were flooding. He told us to look for the cap that led to the "weeping drain". This was entirely new to me, I never knew of such a thing. The weeping drain is a pipe that goes all around the foundation of the house to catch excess rain water and funnel it out to the sewers.

I vaguely remembered a funny looking cap near the back wall before we renovated. Meanwhile we had to deal with damage control. W.M. stayed up all night to empty the vacuum every 20 minutes. He figured we were throwing out about 10 gallons or more an hour! By then we had 2 vacs going.

By Saturday, we found that the north and east wall of the living area downstairs were also leaking!!! W. had stayed up most of the two nights and worked days emptying the water and tearing apart the bathroom looking for the lid to the weeping tile drain.

We took turns emptying and checking all the areas that were now being flooded. But then he went to Canadian Tire and "accidentally" found a shop vac that pumps out the water through a hose, allowing us to catch a few hours of sleep. (I say accidentally because he said he wasn't looking for it and was wandering around, not sure why he stopped... and looked up and saw this new type of vac. I am sure that my deceased Mom is helping us out here. I feel her presence a lot since she died two years ago).

W. was determined to find that cap and I was sure I knew where it was... but it wasn't where I thought it was. So W. began tearing the shower stall down. I couldn't bear to watch and went upstairs. He was literally ripping the back off the wall where it had been so carefully glued on by K. - another male friend who helped to build the bathroom. The bathroom was newly built just over a year ago...

But now the toilet and shower and vanity were soggy and wet and pieces of it scattered all over the basement in the attempt to find the source of the flood. The drain cap wasn't under the shower, but we did find that the majority of the leakage was coming from a hole dug there to accommodate a pipe to the shower. Water was pouring out of it like an open faucet.

Finally, W. found the drain cap and discovered the source of the problem!!! The one-way valve on the pipe going from the weeping drain to the sewer was corroded shut, so the water could not funnel out. With the intense rain we got in such a short time... the soil couldn't handle the water. It had nowhere to go and seeped into the basement through any crack it could find.

The hole under the shower turned out to be a good thing, maybe not the best choice in the first place while building it, but a saving grace now... allowing the worst of the flooding to come into the bathroom instead of the other rooms where the carpets and furniture were.

Nonetheless, the brand new bathroom linoleum was ruined, as were the carpets in the other two rooms. Insurance companies don't cover floods or any other "acts of God". It seems to me that they only cover the things that are least likely to happen. And they still make you pay the first $500. After 37 years of paying insurance on this house, you would think they would be happy to give something back. But of course that's not how the world of business is run, is it? I am learning a lot here....The good news is that since it was a "mechanical failure", I will get some coverage. Ya gotta read the find print.

All this is to say.... that I was truly impressed with how W. took charge of the situation. He didn't have to do it, it was an act of pure kindness on his part. The same goes for G.who came to fill in the cracks in the pantry.

It took me awhile to realize that W. was completely willing to take care of the situation. At first I felt bad that he had to do this, but he reassured me that it was easy for him. The long hours, the challenge of solving a problem, and the physical work involved... it is what he does on his job all the time.

I was exhausted after the first day, but he kept at it until the end, (5 days in all)... making sure that we got fans and dryers working... and even cleaning up and putting things back in place as best as possible until we can get repairs done.

Where did he get the energy? Maybe being a Thunderbeing had something to do with it. But I think that men are just built for challenges. On the Medicine Wheel - the Winds are challenges and Winds are masculine energies.

As a single woman who took care of for my parents in their final years, as well as the house and yard, all by myself... I can say that I have immense respect for men and what they can do. It has been really difficult for me to manage all the tasks over the years... and I found myself depending on men, friends and hired workers, to help out at times of dire need.

When W. stepped up to the plate this past weekend, I found myself having to step back... to surrender and trust! At first I was teetering precariously on the stones of Surrender and Trust... but then I realized that I had complete confidence in him and his ability to meet the challenge.

When I let go, I literally felt a shift in my body... I found myself shifting into the Feminine role and doing what I could do to help in a different way. I made sure he ate properly so he could have the energy and strength to keep going. This is a man who works long hours, shift work for days and weeks at a time. To be honest, it is beyond my comprehension how he does that. He said that he keeps strong by working hard every day. He didn't give up until he found the problem and fixed it!!!!

I thought of my parents and how they had their male-female roles so clearly defined. Dad did the yard work, built and repaired things and Mom did the cooking and housework. There is something so pure and simple in those roles, yet today the lines are so clear anymore in relationships.

As women, I think we need to remember to tell the men in our lives how much we appreciate them.

(The black and white photo at the top of this post is of my grandfather, Louis Houle)

The Shaman & Shamanism

2010-05-18T00:27:00.018-06:00

(The following is taken from a post on our private site....)
FROM OKWAHO....

"I think the best gift a Shaman, Sorcerer or God could ever give to us is the space and time to work things out on our own. We can make it and find the divine in us to make it.... A Shaman has a role but his or her role is not to live life for you - where you have chosen to give up. If anything a Shaman should inspire, breath strength in you when you are down but make sure you get back on your feet.... "

MY RESPONSE....

"Your words helped me to understand why I am where I am. You have

breathed life into me so many times when I was down... yet you would

not let me become dependent on you and that has made me stronger and

more in touch with my own essence, the divine in me. It is easy to get

entranced with the Shaman and want that energy to carry us, but it

will not help us in the end. One of the judgments I've heard about the

Shaman from those who don't know... is that they think we are "guru

worshipers" and don't have minds of our own... they are so wrong. Even

when I tried to give my power away to Lisa, she wouldn't let me...lol.

Thank God!

Thank you Shaman for helping me to find myself. Thank you community

for showing me who I am - light and shadow - and sticking with me through

thick and thin. It has been such a healing for me. We are blessed here

in GP to have each other, but we work hard at it too. We are blessed

to have technology to stay connected and gatherings in Quebec to meet

in person."

******************************************************************************************************

It is true that even some of my close friends or family think that I am being overly influenced by our Teacher, Okwaho. I know that in the past, I would put her on a pedestal, being so infatuated with her energy, her power and beauty. Who would not be?

I used to be an AMMA devotee. Amma is a holy woman from India who embodies the Divine Mother. In India, they have a better understanding and respect for the Holy Ones amongst them than we have here on this continent. Amma is always surrounded by an entourage of Devotees who take care of her physical body and needs, while she goes into in trance and tends to the multitudes of followers. The followers have no fear of being "seduced", "brainwashed", or "overly influenced" by their Guru... they have absolute trust, something we Westerners could learn from. Amma did not need me, I needed her. She helped me to find my way back to my path, knowing that my journey with her was temporary.

The Shaman does not want "followers", it is hard work to take care of so many!!! Yet the Holy ones all over the world... in India, Africa, Australia, North and South America... continue to serve in spite of the hard work and the persecution which seems to be directed at them so often. In the past, they were put to death... today they are ignored, ridiculed or judged by those who do not understand, those who don't take the time to ask questions, to open their minds or even to observe those that they judge to see if they are for real .... It always amazes me how humans can pass judgments on things they know nothing about!

So what is the purpose of the Shaman in a community, or on this Earth?

As Keeper of the Shaman, I do have an infatuation with this energy... it calls to me like a bee to honey. The Shaman is an energy or Wind that blows through its carrier, and brings wisdom, divinity and love to all who are in its reach. I have had the Shaman energy blow through me briefly... and I felt such incredible unconditional love for everyone, and I just seemed to know things. Others felt it too. One woman followed me around after as if infatuated, unable to leave, mistaking me for something that moved through me... The energy did what it needed to do and left.

But there are some who carry this energy more often and for longer periods of time... these individuals sacrifice everything to the Shaman, in service to Creator and Creation. They give up their personal in order to become a Collective creature. It takes many arduous initiations to get to the point where you can carry this energy for any length of time.

The Shaman can inhabit a stone, a tree, a crystal, a person, an animal.... It comes and goes... it chooses where it goes and when..... we do not control it.

There are so many misconceptions about the Shaman and Shamanism - judgments made out of fear of the unknown, ignorance, superstition, rumors... etc. Many people are afraid to tell their friends and family that they are on a Shamanic path and follow the teachings of a Shaman, because of the judgments. I find this really sad. Why are East Indian Gurus, Enlightened Masters and Holy ones accepted, yet Shamans are not? People will cross the ocean to get a glimpse of the Pope and bow down in worship, kissing his ring.

Is it a matter of shame, seeing what was done to the Aboriginals, Shamans and all...? Is it too soon and too close to home for those who live on this continent? I find it strange that that people go to other countries, South America, for example, to find Shamans and Traditional Shamanic teachings... when it is available right in our own back yard.

It is true that Okwaho, my Teacher, has supported, encouraged and empowered me to find my own way when I just wanted her to give me the answers or tell me what to do.... That would be so much easier, simpler and quicker. But she trusted in me enough to let me go at a time when I was completely lost in ego and thinking I knew what I was doing. She let me make my own choices and follow where that led me.... She always told me to "Tell my own story" when I wanted to just talk about her and her teachings.

It took me many years to understand what she meant, because I didn't value my own experiences, my own life, MY dreams and stories... I didn't see the power in ME.. but she did and she continued to nourish it in me with infinite patience when I was being a real pain in the butt!!! She cared enough to give me the tough love, to show me where I was out of sacredness and not in my Truth and Power. The ego is a tough nut to crack, especially in today's world which is so totally ego-centered. But even ego is accepted as part of the whole on this path, and we explore it to bring it into balance, unlike some practices that throw out the ego altogether. You gotta love a path that says that all of who we are has a place and purpose! We get to dive headlong into life and explore our imbalances, illusions and indoctrinations, to live the experience of life to the fullest and find our way home through what we live. We honor our journeys and stories because that is all we have, what the Creator gave us.

We need the Shaman today to remind us of sacredness, to show us the way, to point out the beauty and divinity to us. Because much of this has been lost or destroyed or broken in us.

We can only see what is in the mirror. I found that with Amma, when I was in judgment, doubt, ego or my mental, I could not see or believe who she was. When I let go of all of that... then I could be fully in the experience and open to what she wasshowing me.

The same goes for the Shaman... we only see what we are open to seeing and believing. It takes humility to have a Teacher, and as they say, the Teacher appears when the Student is ready. And the student is ready when he or she is humbled enough by life, has enough strength to get past the arrogance or insecurity of the ego, or disbelief in the Mysteries of Life... and is willing and able to face the Creator with a rawness of soul and an openness to Truth. Amma showed me my Light, the Shaman showed me both my Light and my Shadow.... and loved and accepted all of me when even I could not!

One thing that makes us so lucky.... and this path so unique... is that it exists in spite of 500 years of attempts to extinguish it. We are survivors! We are strong! Those of us who have found our way back to these teachings and to the Shaman.... have come through hell and high water to get here, because deep down inside we are seeking TRUTH and COMMUNITY and to understand ourselves and our world in a way that only the Medicine Wheel can show us.

Many are Dreamers, Healers, Warriors, etc.. who need to explore their what they are living when no one else seems to understand.

We are lucky to have the Medicine Wheel as a tool for survival in these difficult times and a Shaman to help us to find that which we have forgotten or had taken away from us... our medicine or power!

Hau!

(As you can see, this is a topic that I am passionate about and will return to again and again I'm sure, there so much to share, teach and learn.)

4th Moon of Value

2010-05-01T10:28:00.002-06:00

The Moon of Value is where we discover what we really care about. These days I find that I often experience the dark side of the Moons briefly in order to bring them to consciousness.

For this Moon, I was shocked to discover that I couldn’t even find it. It was as if it didn’t exist! I thought maybe I wasn’t feeling anything because I didn’t have any major issues with this one. After all, I hadn’t had anything big come up, related to some of the other Moons, that is....

Well, I was wrong. And this past week it was brought to my attention. H.Z. initiated an experience for me that bloated this issue. At first I shrugged it off but she wouldn’t let me, which is good, not easy – but good. I had to admit she was right. I seemed to have this pattern of not feeling valued and I was getting tired of being a Wheelkeeper, organizing and hosting the Medicine Wheel circles seemed to have become more of a burden than pleasure these days. But when I sat with this, I went to a place of “I don’t care, I don’t care about anyone or anything”, including myself. This actually felt good to express but it also astounded me. When did I stop caring? I realized that this Moon was broken to the extent that it didn’t even exist. To be able to express the negative side of it for even a moment, brought up the pain, anger and sadness of being neglected, abandoned and forgotten as a child. I remembered a psychic once telling me that by age 2, I had already given up on life. So by time I was 4, something must have died in me. I believe that this broken Moon has a lot to do with the depressions I often experience. A child who is not valued is not heard, seen or protected.

On the second spin of the Moons, when the Moon of Value came around again, at age 17, when I was graduating from high school. I remember my Mom not being there and I was so sad. She had promised but did not come. I felt so abandoned and forgotten, a repetition that would occur with each passing of this Moon, ages 30, 43, 56....

We treat ourselves the way we were treated, so it was I who did not value myself in the end. Who is to say which came first? Do we create the parents to mirror how we are with ourselves or do our parents create how we are? Does it really matter? The point is to bring healing to these broken moons.

To feel the Moon of Not-value, I was able to bring it into balance. I know that I will have to continue to work on this, but for today, I am valuing myself, my roles and my life. When we value someone or something, we protect it, we appreciate it, we take care of it. Most of us have to learn how this feels - how to love, honour and cherish ourselves before we can do the same for others.

Moon of Affirmation, Initiator Role, Elder, Butterlfy Clan or Turtle Gate?

2010-04-29T13:11:00.006-06:00

Being a Gemini, I have a really hard time with making choices. On the Medicine Wheel, this has to do with the Moon of Affirmation and the ability to say "NO". At two years of age and again at age 15, 28, 41, 54, 67, 80... we have the opportunity to look at these issues again and again... not to mention that we go through the Moon Cycles every year. Although we are not in this moon right now, I am feeling it an issue for me....

With so many people going one way, I always seem to be going the opposite. The latest is that our Tribe is doing a Fitness Challenge to lose weight and get in shape for our power walk at the upcoming Shamanic Retreat in the Mountains. Well, the last thing I need to do is lose weight and I already have a fitness plan in place.

My dilemna is... do I do what everyone else is doing just to be part of the crowd? If I don't jump on the bandwagon, does that mean I not being collective? Am I being stuck in my own little bubble and not pushing past my comfort zone?

The others in this fitness challenge are much younger than me. Is it the fact that I am older and less interested in these things? Or am I listening to my body and its needs? I am so busy right now with my writing and want to stay focused.

I am at the Turtle gate since the Blue Moon and at the Winter Solstice, I made the wish to work on my book. I have just begun to do that and was being really focused when this big challenge thing started. It has challenged me to stand in my truth and know what is right for me. Why is this so hard to do?

Looking at my Moons of Affirmation, my Initiator Role and Butterfly Clan as well as the Gate I am at for the next three years is helping me to figure things out. Writing about it is helping me too.

My 2nd Moon has been terribly broken my entire life, I have the hardest time not only making choices, but trusting them after I make them... I second guess myself. It drives me crazy, and others too no doubt.

As an Initiator, I had a lesson at one workshop with Lisa and Gerard that showed me that when I am in this Role, I am outside the wheel. Again I feel like an outsider and alone. Lisa said, "It is okay to be alone". Initiator is my center role and it is important for me to honor it.

As Butterfly Clan, not to mention that my Firekeeper is also a Buttefly, I am always being blown about by the slightest wind or distraction that comes along. I start out focused and end up going somewhere or doing something totally different because I get swept up in the plans of others.

Last but not least... I am at the Turtle Gate, a place of renewal, where I need to strong in MY story and not let the opinions and actions of others take me in a different direction. This is a huge challenge for me! I want to be liked, I want to be collective, I want to belong, to be part of the group... but I also want to be myself, to be where I am and who I am without having to feel like I doing something wrong!

This touches a nerve for me. You can add "Christian Indoctrinations" to the title of this post. There is a program in me that says if I don't play along, follow others, do what I am told... etc... I am doing something wrong. If everyone else is going one way and I am going another, they must know or have something I don't know or have. And I want to be part of something bigger than me, something outside of my own little world. But, I need this time of isolation in order to prepare for the next chapter in my life. It is now or never. When Okwaho asked us on Facebook,
If you knew you were going to die in two years, what would you do?" The immediate response I got was, "Write my book"! It felt so urgent that I almost jumped out of my chair.

It is not easy being ME sometimes! But if I don't be ME, I am not being my authentic self and not honoring and loving myself. It is true that sometimes I wish I was like everyone else, that I felt like I belonged in certain groups instead of just putting one foot in....

I think it is about the phase I am in too... after the death of my parents, I still don't know where I belong yet. I was so immersed in the role of caregiver. After letting go of that, I just haven't found a new role, direction or purpose yet.

All I know is that I need to focus on my writing, be at the Turtle gate, and be okay with the fact that most of our tribe is at the Wolf gate. Writing is a lonely occupation. I need to be okay to walk alone for awhile, knowing that I am trusting in my inner guidance and not being blown off course by the slightest wind that comes along.

Hau!

P.S.

The photo of the turtle was taken in Florida at the Seminole Indian Reserve. It was huge and very old... and oddly enough, it was from Africa...Talk about being out of place.....hhmmmmm...... The turtle takes its home wherever it goes. Something for me to think about.

SACRED MOUNTAIN

2010-04-20T00:48:00.006-06:00

This evening I went with a friend to Saskatoon Mountain.. to visit the spot where we did our Blue Moon ceremony at a campsite with a firepit. We had left the four anchor stones in the trees, spreading them out to expand the circle and hide them, to see if we could keep the wheel alive and how it would affect the campsite.

When we arrived a middle-aged man was sitting at the concrete picnic table, facing the fire pit. A bike lay beside him. We had come to bury a Raven that my friend,who has Raven medicine and is a Deboner, found lying on the street next to where I live.

We discovered that the wheel was still intact and still active when I tested it with my pendulum. One stone had different energy and we saw that it was because there was another large stone right beside it. We did our Blue Moon ceremony on New Years eve, so the snow had hidden the other stone. We moved it to where he had buried the Raven... and the pendulum showed the north stone was okay now.

Then we visited the sacred site.The first time I went there, I was alone, a few years ago... it was at the guidance of my Spirit guides and a calling to find a sacred Medicine Wheel Circle site.

When I got there, I saw an Eagle spiraling on the wind. It was so mesmerizing to watch! Then he slowly moved Westward and I followed... This led me right to the sacred site I was looking for. But it was littered with beer cans and broken glass. I had a bag and cleaned it all up. Then I drummed and smudged the area, took out my Shaman Crystal and prayed. I was gifted with the image of our ancestors dancing around the fire in a sacred ceremony. I cried so hard I could barely breath, and I had to leave because I couldn't stop. It was too painful to feel the desecration of such a sacred place. I realized that I was feeling the Shaman's pain. I realized how far some humans have come from sacredness in this world and how the Shaman energy feels so much.I left feeling angry at having to go to such hard places, why didn't I stay up where the Eagle was? But then a Raven came and I knew that I had been asked to heal the land and that was a good thing, as hard as it was. I was in my Role as Keeper of the Wheel and walking the path of the ancestors. I knew that they were happy that I prayed and drummed there, opening it up for sacredness once more. The place felt cleansed. I also knew that I had to return three more times.

Today was my forth visit and the first time I came with a friend. Finding beer cans there again was very disappointing. We didn't have any bags this time to pick up the garbage. But I knew I would return to clean it up as often as I could.

We walked around the fringes of the circle and up on a small ridge to the east of the circle area. The energy felt untouched there somehow... and I had a sense of the Ancestors coming through the forest, along the ridge from the east to enter the sacred circle... and of scouts or guards standing there watch over the ceremonies.

While we sat under some trees to the west of the circle, the sun was sinking lower on the horizon. We heard coyotes yapping and howling. I had passed the Coyote gate on the Blue Moon, so it was relevant to me to hear them. I knew that I have more to learn about coyote medicine.

They started up just as a helicopter carrying a large barrel on a long string passed overhead. Helicopters are on the North of the wheel and I felt that it was a sign that I had completed my commitment to return to the mountain four times.

We noticed that the helicopter was carrying a huge container of water and chemicals on a long line. It was to put out a forest fire somewhere. This been an extremely dry spring, the driest on record... and the earth is parched. Again a sign of the times.

As we got in the truck and drove down the mountain road, we were stopped by three moose, two females and a calf blocking our way. They moved to the side and we sat and looked at them and they looked back at us, totally calm and so beautiful! At the same time Frogs sang their sunset song in the background.

My friend has Moose medicine so he was happy. Frogs are about survival and cleansing. I thought of how the Earth changes are upon us and the drought that we are experiencing and wondered if the Frogs would survive in the years to come.

In all though, it was a wonderful and healing experience to connect with nature, the trees, the animals, the wheel and the ancestors. We are blessed to have such places around and I pray that we all use them with respect and consciousness.

The photo at the top is of a sacred meadow at Crystal lake.. I will have to get a photo of the mountain next time I go....

HEALER WIND, APRIL 14th, 2010

2010-04-19T12:15:00.007-06:00

This weekend, I spent an entire day dreaming... sitting in the sun, doing some sketches and taking my time to be in silence and stillness... to just BE!

The Healer Wind is on the North of the Wheel, it is where we finish something and just let it all go. It is a time to empty out and find the wisdom in our stories or experiences and to share that wisdom with others.

Yet, I find that I don't have words these days to convey what I live. I feel like I have been on this path so long that I forget what it was like when I started.. I notice this when seeing others who are just starting out. I feel their excitement, confusion and enthusiasm. Yet I forget how new and strange this path is to others... how Western living is so different than follow natural and cosmological laws. I don't live in the daily 9-5 world, so I don't have a reference point for their struggles and experiences.

Listening to them talk... I see how so much has to be explained, things I take for granted... and I just don't seem to be able to explain things these days. Maybe I just need to be in silence, or maybe I need to explore the Mystery of Language more....

Right now, I am enjoying my solitude, the hot sun and the silence and sanctuary of my Home! I feel blessed that I don't have to go out into the world daily and work in the world that way others do. Yet I admire their courage, strength, stamina and ability to deal with all the challenges that they face daily. I don't envy their jobs or the money they make. I chose a Spirit path, and although I don't necessarily expect to be rich, Spirit takes care of my basic needs and more. Not to say that others who work aren't on a Spirit path... In fact, I think they are learning and healing and growing tremendously... it's just different.

One friend calls it the path of insanity... he feels trapped in the Western world of work, and paying half of what you make to the government. But I see him as being a great father and provider for his family. I admire these men and women who work at those tough jobs. But wouldn''t it be nice to live in a Shamanic community where we are self-sufficient, where we grow our own food, make our own clothes and meet our own basic needs? I would love to wake up every morning to the sounds of the birds and the winds in the trees and know that I have a collective family that has the respect and love of nature and are willing to work together for a common goal . It can be done, many communities are out there doing just that!!!

I find that this Healer wind has helped me to be in a quiet place. I have many stories to share... and I feel it is time for me to get those stories down on paper, as I have been told to do for years now. If I don't, then I am not following my inner guidance, and I am beginning to feel a lack of direction and purpose.

I can't seem to talk to others in a way that they get the messages they need right now... but I can still write. Maybe I am just slowing down and shifting into my Dreamer who is an Elder and resides on the North of the Wheel, the place of Healing.

SHAMANISM & RELIGION

2010-04-05T11:52:00.007-06:00

Today, Easter Sunday, 2010, I went to a sunrise ceremony with a church group. I don't normally attend church, but lately have been feeling a need to heal the wounds of the past in regards to my Catholic upbringing. There was a lot of good things that I got from going to church as a child. Unfortunately, it was tainted by the undertones of guilt, sin and punishment. But I found if I could ignore all those things, I would feel a deep connection with Spirit and the Christ love inside of me.

The church I chose today is quite radical and open-minded. I like the informality of it and the fact that they take the scriptures and apply them to today's world. They also do small rituals at every service and you never know what they will do next.

On Good Friday, they had us choose rocks and hold them during the service, not knowing what they were for. At the end, they said to put our prayers or what we wanted to leave behind (our burdens) into the rock and lay it at the foot of the cross. I made sure that I was not giving my problems to Christ. I don't believe he was meant to take on our sins, but to teach us how to stop sinning and to do our work to heal our wounds. He was already crucified, so why give him more to deal with? We should deal with our own shit.

Today, the Church group had a sunrise ceremony in the park, with a small fire. We sang, prayed and it was good, but not quite enough for me. So, I also did my own private ritual later, drumming by the water and greeting Father Sun. When I faced the East, Tears of gratitude poured out of me, as I realized that I really am starting a new wheel. The challenging lessons that I have been living for the past few year are complete and it is time for me to go forward.

The songs and words of the Church service that I went to later also touched me, bringing tears of love and gratitude. And I got many strong messages for myself. I was brought up going to church and I had many wonderful experiences of connectedness with the Christ love. My Mom said I was touched by the Holy Ghost, because I always cry when I prayed. I still do. It is because I feel so much love and it just seems to pour out of my heart and eyes. Communion is not just an outward act, I have to feel Christ love entering me.

Today, Easter Morning, they gave us flowers as we walked into the chapel. The minister said, don't look for Christ crucified, he is Risen!

I got a stem with 6 pink roses on it. I found this remarkable, because I am working with my 6th totem on my personal wheels. I have dreams and signs of integration going on, which is what the 6th totem or Role is about. For me, this totem is my Healer. The Pink Rose is also one of my symbols.

(The photo you see is of the cross with everyone's flowers on it).

Being on a Shamanic Path does not mean you cannot be part of a religious belief or go to church. Creator, God, Allah, Buddha... may all be different, but they are all aspects of the Divine.

Shamanism is not a religion, it is a teaching that shows us how to live according to natural laws, to NATURE. It is organic, open, flexible and adaptable depending on where we live, and the time period we live in. The Wheel is our Guide or Map that we use to find our way through time and space, through the Dreaming known as LIFE!

By following my heart and going to church, I was being open to where the dreaming is guiding me, open to natural laws. It doesn't mean I am going to go to church all the time, or commit to them, I will go just when it feels right, when I am called. I can find Spirit in many different places.

For me, this Easter was all about HEALING, and being open to GRACE in whatever form it takes! It was, for me, very synchronistic with Easter Sunday and Resurrection!!!

*** The minister also talked about being WARRIORS and speaking out about the injustices in our world today... which are the same as they were in ancient Rome.
I thought that he is also in touch with the Dreaming, seeing as we are in the WARRIOR WIND! Everyone is a Dreamer in one way or another.

MOON OF DRAMA MUSINGS

2010-03-29T23:24:00.007-06:00

This Moon has many aspects to it... as I get older, I find my Moon of Drama becoming more mellow. I look at the younger people with curiosity to see the dramas that they are living and am reminded of where I once was. I feel like a different species then them sometimes. I feel more relaxed, less inclined to do things and more inclined to just be. I liked being in the midst of drama back then, I miss it sometimes, but I find that I don't have the desire or energy anymore to tackle the challenges and intensity of living life at full tilt. I find that I am more satisfied with simple things, simple tasks and doing less. I have facilitated and participated in creativity workshops, role play, drama improv and more. I used to love to dress up in costumes. Halloween was my favorite time of year, because I could become anyone I wanted to be. I got to act out different fragments of my inner community.

But then I have been around the Moon wheel five times now.And I am content to sit back and watch others, to listen and learn by watching and hearing what they are living. Not to say that I don't have excitement and adventure in my life. I just don't need it as much anymore. This is new to me, very new in fact. It is something I just came to realize the past few days. I was feeling depressed and bored and lonely.... but then I just sat and looked at where I am, where I've been and where I am going. I realized that I don't have a vision for my future and that was what was making me unhappy. I seemed to be very future oriented in the past. But I realized that the future is NOW. If I want to create something, I need to do it now. What I want is not external, but internal.... happiness and peace. So I decided to be happy with where I am now, enjoy what I have and what I am living, because each moment is an opportunity to choose happiness.

In our Woman's Circle on Saturday, I asked the group to think about whom they admire, who is their "Hero/Heroine". In the past when I did this exercise with my Teacher, I discovered that my hero was the Shaman. That made sense seeing as I am Keeper of the Shaman.

This time, my older sister comes to mind. She is 8 years older than me, the eldest of 8 children. I admire how she loves everyone and treats everyone with love and respect. She is rich, yet she is humble... I will find her taking out the garbage or cleaning the bathroom. She loves life in spite of all her hardships and challenges,. And she is always thinking of others and letting them know that they are important. Everyone loves her because she loves everyone.

I could go on and on... but the point is that who or what we admire shows us who we are inside or who we want to be. The person, plants, animals, superheroes or humans... that we admire are showing us something about ourselves.

I can't say that I am anywhere near as loving of life and of everyone and everything as much as my sister is, but I can see that I have the potential to be like her.

The 3 year old will mimic what they find beautiful, and in doing so, they become like the person or thing they admire.

Happy Moon of Drama everyone! I hope that this month is a pleasurable experience for you and that you feel free to express who you are or where you are at in your fullest. May we all find happiness and be balanced in our Moons.

Hau!

Wheelkeeper

WARRIOR WIND

2010-03-15T12:55:00.005-06:00

The Warrior Wind has blown in on the New Moon today, March 15th... and it is challenging us to see, hear, speak and live Truth.

At our New Moon Circle on Saturday, I heard a group of strong Warrior Women speaking openly and honestly, sharing their stories of their struggles and issues with humility and openness. A sacred circle is a safe space to share, be heard and find common ground with others. We give and receive love, support and feedback, and yes, even hard truths are given and received. I am always impressed at how well the newcomers fit in. It seems that the magnetism of the wheel attracts those who are seeking truth and healing.

It takes humility to hear the truth about ourselves when we would rather be in our illusions and dysfunctional patterns. Our egos are resistant to change and we don't always like to be seen as imperfect. Our western and christian programs make us feel guilt and shame for our so called "sins". That is why I love this path, there is no right or wrong, no judgments, no guilt, shame, regret or jealousy... there are only lessons and learning to be the divinity that we are deep inside.

At the circle we laid down the wheel according to our stories and I added pebbles to each stone that represented a theme that was repeated by different people. The wheel grew and became even more "alive" than ever with the additions made.

The Medicine wheel circles continue to evolve as we all grow and open to the natural forces that guide us.

Last night I had a dream that showed me in a place where there was no social order... people slept on mats and blankets in building, went where they wanted and no one telling them who to be or what to do. One man tried to impose rules on the seeming chaos or disorder.... but no one listened. Then I heard a voice saying.... "Following laws based on the NATURAL ORDER OF THINGS, not imposed rules".

I felt a shift inside of me as I let go of ingrained social programs, western linear thinking and the need to control myself and the world around me.

Hau!

Wheelkeeper

Taking Responsibility

2010-03-06T18:38:00.007-07:00

This post is in reference to the two previous ones, title "The Moon of Affirmation" and "Intiating and Being Initiated". As the previous title suggests, whenever we initiate someone, we get initiated also and have to go into the Moon of Humility and do our inner work, look at what is in us that causes an emotional charge.

It has been a hectic week with me dragging my butt around, still fighting a cold or virus or whatever.... but today I had some time to go into silence and do some reflecting. I thought about the circle and the anger that rose up in me. That is unusual for me, I don't feel anger easily. I wondered what it was about and realized that it was two-fold....

Part of me has issues with how Elders are treated. After care-taking my parents for 7 years then seeing how they were neglected, mishandled and even abused in the hospital, I was so angry all the time. I would file a complaint but nothing was done, the staff would deny it and they only had my word against theirs. I even filed an official complaint with Protection for Persons in Care.... and was told that I needed witnesses, dates, names and times. Well.... I was not thinking of all that when my parents were dying... so I let it go. But I have always gotten upset when Elders were neglected.

I am not saying that what happened in the circle warranted my reaction. I need to take responsibility here for my actions. I know I over-reacted and got controlling. That is the other part to this story. My Wheelkeeper is a traditionalist and comes from a time when the teachings, the traditions were being taken away from his people. As a result, this part of me can be very rigid and controlling as an attempt to retain the traditions.

These are parts of me that I have been working on for years, but I can see that there is still some residue of unresolve in me in regards to these issues. This Peacekeeper Wind has brought them to the surface for me to look at.

This is just another perspective on the same topic. There are many ways to see any one situation. It all depends on what stone we are on at any given time. One viewpoint does not negate the other. Like a diamond with many facets, there are many faces of truth.

The image at the top of this post is a sculpture that I did years ago... it had the faces of 3 women, 3 different generations,maiden, mother, crone.... done in plaster and left outside to return to the elements.

INITIATING AND BEING INITIATED

2010-03-02T10:35:00.005-07:00

Every day we are constantly being triggered by others, and we also trigger them. For someone like myself who has INITIATOR as a Role it is quite a challenge to carry out the initiation of others. I can feel when my Initiator comes through me. I feel a hardness, a strength and courage that I, myself, do not have.

In our Moon of Affirmation circle on Saturday, I triggered some people at the end when we were finishing our talking circle. It had been a long night and people were tired. Our last one to speak was our elder. The one who spoke before had been very emotional and in a deep process. When the Elder went to speak, four people stood up at once and left. I felt the energy being sucked out of the room. Then they went to the kitchen and began talking so loudly that I couldn't even hear our Elder talk. I asked someone to tell them to be quiet, saying that they were doing another wheel in the next room. But then I got angry at the disrespect for our Elder and for the circle and said so... I asked them to return to the circle. Someone spoke up and said it was not to reprimand but to teach. Two other women said they needed to move their bodies. I had said at the beginning to take care of your bodies, that we wouldn't be taking breaks, so go stretch, get some tea, etc when you need.

But in this instance, it was the end of the circle and an Elder who was speaking. I am a Keeper of the Wheel as well as a Keeper of the Elders. From my perspective, what they did was disrespectful and unconscious. I was doing my Role.

This seemed to cause quiet a stir. Three women found their voice and gave their reasons for leaving. One women went into a huge process and we had to help her with some healing.

Endings of wheels are often difficult at times. The energy can dissipate before the end. We all feel the end coming, there is restlessness, impatience and discomfort. The last stone on the wheel before the North, (where the wheel ends),.... is the Initiator stone. This is the place where we tie the knots which makes the wheel a wheel, or else it all comes undone. It is where we are tested to see if we got the lessons of the wheel we had been spinning. In this case, being the Moon of Affirmation, the ritual we did and the lessons were all about affirming who we are.

I am happy to say that we all got the lessons, we all spoke our truth, we all were strong in who we are and had our voice. The woman who got initiated was the strongest of all because her obstacles were enormous. With the help of the women in the circle, she managed to break through the negative voices in her head, the fears in her body and affirm herself!!!

There was no animosity between anyone, which was another great accomplishment. Everyone understood that it was an initiation and did not hold any resentment or judgments, as far as I know. Not everyone spoke up, so I don't know what they were thinking.

I am proud of myself, that I allowed my Roles to do their job without holding back as I would in the past, afraid to antagonize anyone. I am proud of the women who spoke their truth and the woman who broke through her devastating fears to find her voice!

And I am proud of the women who listened and learned, were open to the experience.

In the end, our Elder spoke words of wisdom from a collective place. It was all perfect!
We are an amazing group of strong women!!!!

Hau!

Wheelkeeper

I welcome the perspective of all the women who were at the circle. Let's have your voices heard, let us see the many perspectives. No one is right or wrong, each one has a valid viewpoint to share. That is what makes up a circle - what makes us whole, strong and united!

2nd Moon of Affirmation

2010-02-28T00:31:00.003-07:00

It is such an honor and privilege to be in a circle of powerful women. Our 'Moonlodge' on Saturday was amazing as always. The drumming, the sharing, the intimacy, the laughter and tears as we sat around the Wheel, with the influence of Grandmother Moon in her fullness.... all combined to make this a very deep profound experience.

I felt a real sense of sisterhood with these women, proud to see a group dedicated to growing and learning and healing together. When one of us is in crisis, we are supported and encouraged to go through our process with tough love and truth spoken. The wisdom I see in these younger women leaves me with a sense of hope for the future. The commitment to their own healing and to helping each other, shows me how far I have come, because every woman in the circle is a mirror for me. We are all mirrors for each other. That is the beauty of the Sacred Circle.

Each woman shared what they were living with humility and integrity. There is no white-washing of things to make us look good. We learn from each other and by listening to each story, we find common ground. We discover that we are all the same, we all have to deal with our relationships, our egos, fears and insecurities, and "nightmares" such as guilt, shame, regret and jealousy.

We did a ritual to affirm ourselves. I handed out stones and we spoke what we wanted to affirm in ourselves, that which empowers us, that which we wish to become. By using the "I AM"... which means that the Creator or Goddess in me is..... Each one spoke their affirmations, laying their stone next to the Moon of Affirmation stone, as we drummed in unison.There was a lot of teaching and learning about the Wheel and the Moons.

Near the end, my Initiator Role came through and triggered some people, then it turned into a healing crisis for one of the women. The group stood strong and united and responded to the woman's needs, and she was able to make a tremendous breakthrough in her healing. She later thanked me for bringing up something that she needed to heal. I felt touched by the fact she could be present enough to realize that it was a good thing. My Initiator was not always appreciated in the past, maybe because I was imbalanced in it and that I did not accept this role in myself. By allowing it to work through me without judging or censoring it, it was able to bring some healing.

I always hate for circles to end. When everyone leaves, my house feels so empty. But at the same time, I feel full and energized and renewed, ready to face the challenges in the weeks to come. These circles sustain and nourish me. I feel blessed to be in the company of strong, wise and loving women.

I AM BLESSED!

Hau!

Wheelkeeper

I invite the women who were at the circle to post your reflections, comments, questions or feedback. May Grandmother Moon guide you on your Journey with your inner 2 year old this Month!

P.S. The image is a painting I did of a Tree Spirit, a feminine presence in nature.

Personal Moon cycles

2010-02-10T11:54:00.005-07:00

Each year we have experiences and lessons related to the Moon we are in according to our birth year.(See Chart Below). We go around the same Moons every 13 years from birth to death, so there is ample time to do our emotional or inner child healing.

This year I am back in the Moon of Territoriality for the fifth time in my life. This is a tough one for me, having grown up in a large family with little or no personal space. Physical, verbal and emotional abuse also is an invasion of one's territory. When a Moon is traumatized, we call it a "Broken Moon". A piece of us is broken or missing and we have to do soul retrieval work to call back the part of us that left. Then we have to work with the inner child to heal him or her.

Age 6 is the Moon of Territoriality. My 6 year old was terribly broken and over the years I have done the work and find I am finally realizing that I have a place in this world and that I have a right to defend myself and my sacred space.

Recently, I had a taste of where I am with this healing process. I had booked some rooms in a local center to teach my Tarot Classes. We had already done our first session and were about to start a second one this weekend. But yesterday, I learned that the room I was to use was booked for someone else for two of our sessions. The center offered me other spaces, none of which were suitable. I acquiesced at first, but as I left, I felt myself literally getting sick, my throat hurt and my body felt weakened all of a sudden.

This was a sign of something and I knew that I had not spoken up for myself, that once more I let people literally push me around! So I called them back and said this was not acceptable and that we had to talk. I am going in today to tell them that I will find another place to hold my classes.

There is more to this story of course. They charge too much for the space for one thing, giving only a very small percentage to the instructors. I need to be valued for what I do (4th Moon of Value).

Look at the chart below and see what Moon you are living according to your age.

The Moon of Welcoming Moonlodge

2010-02-03T17:57:00.007-07:00

We are so blessed to have a group of such strong women coming together every FULL MOON to share and bond. The bonds are growing stronger as new women join us and add their stories to ours.

On Saturday, January 31, we entered a New 13 Moon cycle. This is a great opportunity to start another journey with the Grandmothers, the Goddesses, the Feminine and our Inner children.

The circle was profound to say the least. Everyone feels that the circles are growing more incredible every time. Maybe it is the energies of a new cycle, or the previous BLUE MOON. Maybe it is because we have been meeting with the same group for years and going to a deeper level of intimacy, trust and love amongst us.

Whatever the reason, I know that I was deeply touched by these amazing women. I asked them to share their birth stories, seeing as we are in the Birth or Welcoming Moon. How were they welcomed into the world? Were they wanted or unwanted?

One woman, J. was premature and put in an incubator with too much oxygen which damaged her eyesight.

Another M. was a surprise baby whose Mom was 14 years old, yet she was welcomed.

J's Dad died 4 months before her birth. Her Mom was depressed, a single parent who had health issues.

A. was born 3 days after her parents got married.

H. was given to her Grandparents at age 14, which is the 2nd cycle of the Moons, a repeat of the Moon of Welcoming. She felt rejected by her parents.

Whether we are welcomed or rejected at birth, we can change the pattern of self-rejection. My Mom was sedated when I was born. She was 2 days in labor with me. I once did a re-birthing and remembered how I felt when I came into the world. I felt my Mom's absence and her acceptance of what the Doctors did. I felt alone, a vast void opened up. The world was a huge place without the comfort of Mother's arms around me. I was born with the Caul intact. This is the thin skin that envelops us in the womb. Usually it dissolves during the labour, being so fragile. It is supposed to mean something special, being so rare. Sailors would dry the skin and take it to sea, with the belief that it would bring good luck. Others think it means you are psychic. To me it has felt like a protection and that for most of my life, part of me was still in the womb of creation, a safe and nourishing place where I was one with all that is.

But when my body came into this world, I was not welcomed by my Mother. Like many others, I was put in a cold sterile hospital nursery. Over the years, I learned that I can also reject others, be detached and cold and distant. The first breath leaves its imprint on our souls, but with consciousness and intent, we can change the patterns of broken moons. We can heal them and become the fullness that we rightfully are... we can become as full and round as Grandmother Moon at her peak. We can heal our inner children, and become powerful Medicine Women and incredible Goddess of love, light, truth and wisdom!

Hau!

Wheelkeeper

GATEWAYS: I - Raven and Wolf Gates

2010-01-10T23:19:00.007-07:00

Near the center of the Medicine Wheel there are 16 gateways, which could also be called Portals or Doorways to the Dreaming. We must pass two gates, on the outer and inner loops, in order to get to the Dreaming at the Center of the Wheel where the Creator resides. Once there we have access to the Collective Dream.

On the Blue Moon, New Years Eve, December 31, 2009 - some people did rituals to pass through their gates. The Blue Moon is special because it only occurs only every 3 years. This year it was especially strong due to the Earth shifts. The energies are intensifying.

When we pass these gates on the Blue Moon, we do not enter the Dreaming in the same way as usual. We find ourselves at the center of the Blue Moon, the 13th Moon, which is about Visions, not dreams. It is an opportunity to see what the Future brings. Each gate has a gatekeeper who may or may not let you through, depending on many things. It is a test or initiation to see if you are ready.

This year it seems that many people in our circle here in GP and other places are at or have passed through the Raven (aka the Crow, blackbird or Blue Jay) gate. My son and his girlfriend who live in Miami had an amazing experience with this gate. They were driving over a bridge and out of nowhere, a murder of Crows, hundreds of them, flew around and over them....the literally passed through the Raven gate!!! It is interesting that we say a `murder`of crows...

Raven, Crow, Blackbirds and Bluejays are all part of the same family. They are all tricksters. In our teachings, they are about UNRESOLVE. It is the place between living and dying... the land of lost souls. Those who watch TV, may know of the show Ghost Whisperer. The leading character is a classic example of someone who is a master of Raven medicine. She helps earth bound spirits to move on to the light, by helping them with unfinished business or unresolved issues.

Everyone is at a different place when it comes to mastering this Medicine. Some who are at the gate, but do not pass it, will have the next 3 years to

work on it. Those who do pass the gate, like my son and his friend, are finding themselves helping others with their unresolved issues.

On New Years Eve, they ended up meditating in silence on the beach at midnight, while party-goers partied around them. They created a center of calm in the midst of chaos. These signs and experiences are making it obvious what gate they went through.

Once you pass a gate, you will be passing it for the next 3 years over and over again... and will become more acquainted with it as you go along in your daily affairs.

My son and friend are starting up a new business, a circle arts school with a difference...... the focus is on circus training as a form of fitness and health. But there is more than meets the eye here. In the midst of a recession when people are in fear and poverty consciousness... they are creating a center built on faith, trust, abundance consiousness, sharing and community!

....This brings us to the 2nd gate, on the inner loop of the wheel. The outer gate represents your outer reality, your surrounding environment. The inner gate is our inner attitude, how you respond to the outer gate.

By bringing together community and helping others find their path and purpose in life, they went through the WOLF gate. They are being ALPHA WOLVES, leaders who show the way, pathfinders and trailblazers.

Miami, Florida is a place that once had many Medicine Wheel circles on it, spread out all over the state. But they were moved them in order to develop on the land. That was the year they had 7 hurricanes in Florida!! You can`t mess with things you don`t understand without repercussions. Medicine Wheels are vortexes, places of power, they focus the energies of the land and nourish the earth.

My son and his girlfriend are creating a center, a vortex... a place where people can come and find healing, health and maybe even resolution to old ways of thinking and seeing reality. Already they are shaking up peoples beliefs about competitiveness in business and scarcity fears.

The amount of people at the Raven gate right now shows a need to work with the lost, to accept, acknowledge unresolved issues. This takes skill and hard work, but mostly honesty, since many people would rather ignore their issues and pretend all is well. But this hurts MOTHER EARTH because the accumulated baggage goes into her body. She has been taking our shit for eons now and it has built up to a point where she is ready to shake us off like fleas off a dog.

This is the time that the bible has prophesied about over 8000 years ago. It is the time of countless predictions from many cultures and religions. So it is not like no one knew this was coming. As much darkness and despair going around, there is also a new wave of consciousness spreading across the globe.

There are many Star People in position to help bring humans to a new level of awareness. The time is critical, but there has been much planning and readiness for this. We don`t know what will happen, but we do know that we must ASSUME OUR POSITIONS, find our power and medicine, and be on our path..... so that we may do what we came here to do.... help with the transformation in whatever form it takes.

For those who are at the Raven gate, their task is to work in the land of the lost.

Hau!

Wheelkeeper

BLUE MOON & 2010

2010-01-04T12:06:00.006-07:00

Happy New Year to All!

The Blue Moon occurs only every 3 years and this year it coincided with New Years Eve, which is really incredible. Natural time and man-made time seem to be synchronizing. The Blue Moon Ritual that we did brought us through gates which we will be going through for the next 3 years, until the next Blue Moon in August of 2012.

For those who don't know the Medicine Wheel that we use, and want to know more, you can email me for more information. We hold Medicine Wheel Circles twice Monthly in Grande Prairie, Alberta.

2010 is bringing lots of change in preparation for 2012. Things are moving and changing fast and we need to go with the flow or be left behind. "Expect the unexpected" is the motto for this year and it seems to be happening.

The challenges we face are showing us what we need to learn and overcome, let go of or surrender to. Look for repetitions in order to get the messages spirit is bringing. It is time to open to new experiences, new lessons and new ways of being.

For me, this year is about facing persecution and seeing the humour in life. I also am being told to tell my stories and share the teachings through my own experiences of them. In Shamanism, our personal stories show our power or medicine, our history and what we have learned. We share the wisdom of our lessons, so others can learn from us.

As I enter into the Elder phase of my life, I am happy to pass the coyote gate on the outer loop of the Dreaming. It is helping me to look at life with a sense of humour and lighten up, as I tend to take things too seriously.

The Turtle gate, which is the inner loop of the Dreaming, is a pleasure for me to be at. When doing the ritual to pass through it, I felt such love, humility and honored to be walking the path of the Ancestors who lived and died to preserve the sacred ways.

There is a collective gate that we all pass through. This year it is the DInosaur gate... which is about EXTINCTION! This can be a scary thing, if you think about all the prophecies of 2012. But it is also a good thing, because it is an opportunity to leave behind old patterns, thoughts, feelings, behaviours... that are dysfunctional and keeping us from our abundance and power.

For those who don't make it through the gates, you will have 3 years to master the challenges being brought to you. It is not a failure, it is about knowing where you are at and what you need to do to go forward at the next Blue Moon. There is a reason you don't pass, and it could be hurtful for you to go through the gate when you are not ready.

Follow the Dreaming and see what it is showing you. All is well and in place. Trust is essential at times of uncertainty. We can't see or comprehend what is before us, but we can take one step at a time and make every step a prayer.

Hau!

Wheelkeeper

WINTER SOLSTICE & MAKING WISHES

2009-12-17T00:36:00.004-07:00

December 21, 2009 is Winter Solstice. This is the longest night of the year and up here in Northern Alberta, Ca nada, we really notice this phenomenon. Sunrise occurs after 9 am now and the sun disappears as early as 4 pm. - less than 8 hours of sunlight.

For our Ancestors, this time of year would be even more significant with no electricity to light up the night. Today, we barely notice the darkness as streetlights and house lights blotting out the darkness in cities and towns. Not to mention the many Christmas lights. It is as if we are trying to ward off the darkness.

On the Medicine Wheel, there is a balance of light and dark, day and night. The wheel of a day starts in the East where the sun rises and cycles around to the West where the sun sets. Only at this time of year, the sun rises in the southeast and sets in the southwest, for us Northerners/

The Wheel follows the laws of nature, but humans often try to counteract nature's cycles. If we had only campfires to give light and warmth on the colderst and darkest night of the year, we would truly know what it is to be in darkness.

Tradtionally, our Aboriginal Ancestors would use the Winter Solstice to make wishes, to ask Creator to help them survive through the long months ahead. Today, we still make wishes on the Solstice, we still look at what it is that we need to survive. But our needs are different today.

With the economy at a low, many people will want to wish for the means by which to make ends meet, or to be able to live in comfort, or to be strong and have the time, energy and ability to deal with the financial challenges the this winter brings. It appears that businesses are suffering as people are spending less for Christtmas this year.

Wishes are a serious business. We make wishes constantly without realizing it. To make consious wishes, we follow the wisdom of the Wheel. Wishes come under the Firekeeper section in the Northeast. It has to do with our desires and passions, that which starts the fire of creation. With that spark, we are starting a wheel that will last for a year. We will have to deal with the challenges and consequences of what we wished for. So a wise person will consider their wishes carefully before making them. We can work for weeks even months on our wishes. I find it helpful to visualize myself carrying out my desired wishes. I thnk of the work involved and wonder if I am ready, willing and able to commit to this wheel for the next year.

With the Blue Moon coming into the picture on New Year's Eve... the Solstice is tied to it and the wishes will continue to be brought to life for the next three years (the Blue Moon only occurs every 3 years).

This BlueMoon and Solstice are stronger than past ones, as are all cosmological and natural occurrences seem to be these past few years. This is most likely due to the earth shifts and the upcoming 2012, which is a 26,000 year cycle or Wheel.

the point is to be aware and clear in your intentions. Make your wishes humble, realistic and obtainable. And be ready to do the work. You can use the wheel to make your wishes. One wish for each direction and the center, 5 in all. In the end, it is best to make one wish and use the wheel to spin through the different phases of the wish... asking for illumination in the EAST, for courage, strength, and the love to do the work required with the challenges and obstacles that will come up for you. The West is about what you hope to learn, and the North is the wisdom and gratitude you will have from the experience.

Making wishes is not about pie in the sky fantasies. It is about asking the Universe to support you in finding beauty and abundance in your life! It is like lighting a candle and watching it become like the Sun itself that nourishes life and growth!

Stereotyping

2009-11-27T00:01:00.008-07:00

The other day I was introduced to a woman by a friend. who told her that I did Medicine Wheel Circles. The woman got a far off look in her eyes and responded by saying that she knew a Metis man who did the Medicine Wheel circles. I countered by saying I was also Metis... knowing that she did not see me that way. It shook her out of her reverie, as if she was back off somewhere with the man who was Metis. Because I do not have black hair, brown skin and dark brown hair, she did not see me as Metis. She even said accusingly, "You don't look Metis",

There are Native people who have blue eyes and blond hair. Metis is a word which means "Mixed Blood". My ancestors come from the times when the white man first came to Turtle Island and married Native women. The progeny of this union were treated as outcasts by both Natives and Whites, hence they gathered together and the Metis Nation was born. Today Metis' are considered to be Aboriginals. My background is Cree, Chippewa, Irish and French, with bits of Lakota and Scottish in the mix. Is anyone truly just one thing these days?

I have met Native people who are more white in their thinking than Native, and White people who are more Native than many Aboriginals. I have experienced prejudices and judgments due to my appearance by people who don't even know me. I have had Native people threaten me for following and teaching Aboriginal Traditions - and White people gossip about me as if I were some kind of odd creature. It seems that some things never change.

Metis people continue to be caught between two worlds. I see myself as a bridge, a link between cultures, having the best of both worlds. Not being brought up with traditional teachings, I had to search long and hard to find my path. It was not something I chose, it was a calling that I had no choice but to answer. I explored many other religions, cultural traditions and spiritual paths, but the Red Road nourishes and sustains me the best. Even when I went off my path, I always came back again.

In all of this time I learned that it is not how a person looks, the color of their skin or even where they were brought up. I did not live on a Reserve, I was brought up in a small town in a Christian family. I loved going to Church and feeling the Christ love in my heart.

If we can get past our projections, expectations, judgments and stereotypes - we can see each other from a deeper, soul perspective. Until we take time to get to know someone, it is good to be empty and open to experiencing them as individuals and listen to their stories. When we immediately lump people into categories, we are depriving ourselves of a deeper connection. It seems that people need to label other people and things in order to feel comfortable, to feel like they know something about them.

With the Moon of Inter-relations coming up this next Full Moon, on December 2, I plan to practice being open to the experiences of everyone that I meet and not put them in a box! I hope to be still enough to withhold making judgments and allow them to be who they are without the labels that limit and close the door to deeper learning.

Wheelkeeper

H1N1 - The Bottom LIne

2009-11-01T22:35:00.005-07:00

After days of online research and listening to the news on radio and TV, I am convinced that this swine flu scare is totally unnecessary. With millions of people dying every year from breast cancer, tuberculosis and other illnesses, the flu is just another way of nature balancing things out.

If we are going to panic with each new mutation of the virus, we should think about how we are causing the it to mutate in the first place. We need to stop using antibiotics and vaccinations for every little thing. G, Granted, there are people whose immune systems are not and they need the extra help. That is where I see the vaccinations being important. But the rest of us should just up our vitamins at this time of year and if we do get the flu, do what we always do, rest in bed and drink plenty of fluids.

The annual flu is just as bad or worse than the H1N1 virus. Just because it is a new strain, that is no reason to panic. Apparently, they are finding out that it is milder than they thought it would be. It seems that some strains that mutate are really powerful, but others have elements of previous strains, making them less potent. The problem is that doctors prescribe antibiotics and vaccinations for every little thing. This compromises our immune systems, making people more susceptible when something more deadly comes along.

The chances of dying from the swine flu are about 1 in every 250,000. More people die in car crashes. And vaccines have also been known to be contaminated. Worst of all, I still couldn't find anyone saying what the exact ingredients are in the vaccines, which makes me wonder. Why the secrecy?

The media peddles fear because it sells. The doctors prescribe vaccines to cover their butts, in case it does get bad, no one can say they didn't do anything. The pharmaceutical companies are making a fortune, which is paid for out of our taxes.

People take the vaccines because they are told to, and they are scared. I can't say I blame them with all the hype out there. Still, life offers no guarantees, and whatever we decide, it is good to get as much information as possible.

And now there seems that there is not enough vaccines to go around. People are being told to go home after waiting in line for up to six hours.

I wish everyone a good sleep without fear.

Wheelkeeper

H1N1 - What is Going On?

2009-10-29T01:08:00.010-06:00

With all the opposing theories on the swine flu and even the so-called evidence that is questionable, what is a person to think? After hours of online research, I feel that there is one thing that is being overlooked. It is a catch-22 kind of thing.

With respect to those who have lost someone to this disease, I don't believe that vaccinations are the answer. There are seriously harmful ingredients in the vaccines. These ingredients have been known to cause severe and permanent nerve damage in many people. There is so much evidence out there, so I won't reiterate it all here. But I will include some links throughout this post, that I feel are worth checking out.

In all of this, what I see as the bottom line is that we have created a society of unhealthy people with weakened immune systems. Those who have been taking vaccinations for years and eat poorly, have almost become dependent on medical drugs to alleviate their systems. The problem is that the drugs don't cure the problem,they just mask it and create a weakened defense system.

Viruses mutate every once in a while, causing an outbreak of illness and even deaths.

http://www.health.alberta.ca/health-info/pandemic-influenza-history.html

http://www.health.alberta.ca/health-info/pandemic-influenza.html

The thing is that the more we try to fight these strains, the stronger the viruses become and the weaker our immune systems become. We need to get the flu in order to develop resistance to it. The symptoms, runny nose, fever, etc... are the bodies defense mechanism's way of taking out the weak cells in our systems. We actually need to get colds and flu's in order to be healthy.

It is better NOT to find a cure for the common cold. It has a purpose, it keeps us from getting worse illnesses. And those antihistamines only stop the body from doing its job.

http://www.pandemic-flu-guide.com/flu-shot-ingredients.html

http://drbenkim.com/flu-shot-ingredients-dangers.htm

With all the electrical energy, microwaves, cell phones, etc... bombarding us every day, our nervous systems are being compromised as it is... then to add chemicals to foods and prescription drugs that further destroy our systems.... it is no wonder we are seeing more and more mental, emotional and neurological disorders in young and old.

What can we do? Well, eat organic, local food is possible. Reduce the electricity in your homes, cut down on cell phone use and microwaves ovens... live simply.

On another level, do not panic! They call it a pandemic for a reason... it creates fear in people, making them easy to manipulate.

Although I am thankful for the internet and television that brings us all together, I have noticed that when I lived in BC in the mountains and ate organic, my nerves were calm. Since moving to Alberta and living in a busy city, these past few I have felt something was wrong with my nervous system and it seems to be getting worse. It makes sense to me now, that it comes from the modern overuse of electricity and chemicals in our food.

But, I refuse to live my life in fear, there is enough of that in the world. It permeates the air, entering my body and wreaking havoc on my already affected nerves. I stop and breath, I let go of fear, and I go about my business as usual, while trying to walk lightly on the earth. I am using less electricity, eating organic, walking more, getting out of town more to let Mother nature heal me. we need her now more than ever. Let's not forget to connect with her and allow her love to carry us.

There is also something wonderful happening in all of this... people are waking up! It is a time of great challenges, and great opportunities. A time to make conscious choices in our lives.

H1N1 - THE SWINE FLU SCARE

2009-10-26T14:50:00.010-06:00

About H1N1.........I've been listening to CBC radio a lot lately and they have been talking about H1N1, also known as the swine flu. On one of the phone in shows, I was amazed and impressed at how many people are actually questioning the side effects or efficiency of the vaccination. Yet, the most vulnerable ones, elders and children and pregnant women are taking it because they are afraid of getting the swine flu.

Personally, I think this flu thing is blown way out of proportion, just like the news story I heard about the big fuss about a man who committed suicide after a regression therapy workshop. Not to deny the pain of this man or his family, but no one mentioned how many people commit suicide after seeing a medical doctor or taking prescription drugs for depression or other similar conditions. Sometimes I wonder if someone is orchestrating the whole flu virus... why is it that a remote Indian reserve on the West Coast of Canada got hit so hard a year ago?

I will not take the flu shot myself. I remember when my Mom said she wouldn't take any more flu shots because they made her sick. She never got the flu after that either, and she lived to be 90 years old.

Personally, I believe in prevention.. eating right, taking natural vitamins, organic when possible... and if I see signs of illness... I ask myself... why am I getting sick now when there are always germs in the air? Usually, it is about me feeling vulnerable, insecure, tired, stressed, having internal struggles or issues... in process.. something simple like that. When I become aware of these things and just take good care of myself and do my inner work, the symptoms usually go away.

My son did research on the side effects of the flu shots... and it seems that people can get nerve damage from them. I heard this also on the news and looked it up online. Are these things also contributing to autoneuropathy, the disease that affects the nervous system? It is hard to know who or what to believe.

We are creating a super virus because we overdo it with vaccinations and antibiotics... even using anti-bacterial soaps. Anyone who knows anything about nature will know that everything in nature has a built-in survival mechanism. Bacteria or viruses are the greatest survivors on the planet. They adapt and convert to overcome anything that tries to kill it, by becoming stronger.

At the same time, we are making our immune systems weaker because we are a society that is afraid of germs. My parents drank water from sloughs and it didn't do them any harm. I am more afraid of all the chemicals in our food, air and water than germs. Germs have always been around, chemicals are relatively new to our physical environment. Our bodies need centuries to adapt to foreign agents in our cells.

Unfortunately, we are forcing overdoses of sugar and chemical into our systems. We spew out pollutants into our air and water, we have excess electricity and radiation bouncing around, penetrating our skulls daily... and we wonder why so many people are sick and dying?

I say look at the cause and start there, make the necessary changes. If this flu does become a pandemic, it will be because we caused it. In the meantime, I am not going to live my life in fear of what might happen.

Some of neighbors, an older couple told me that they don't want to leave their house this winter because they are afraid they might get the swine flu. They have been influenced by the news. If it happens to me, then I will deal with it, but why take vaccinations that can do harm to my body, for something that may never happen?

This is my stance. I am not saying that it is for everyone. Every person has the right to do what feels right for them, and respect the choices that others make. What really does not sit right with me is the idea of imposing the vaccinations on everyone.

THE HEART OF A POET

2009-09-15T16:53:00.005-06:00

...into the beat of the heart i felt. this mysterious cacophony, pounding my pulsing blood. I couldn't feel my pulse at first. then we drummed. the circle became a single beat. then the earth connected to us. i could imagine this connection vividly. as if we were at the equator of a sphere, and at its base below our feet into the ground the sphere connected. that was mother earth connecting us all. we drummed more and each of us released who we were and all joined as one.

Cheers
Brent

This wonderful poetic description comes from my nephew Brent who attended an Aboriginal drumming circle that a group of us did at our local Heritage Days this summer. I had asked the participants who joined us, to put their hand over their heart, to feel it beating, then start to drum to the rhythm of their own heart. What happens naturally within minutes is that all the drums synchronize and we become one with each other and with the Heartbeat of Mother Earth.

It is a great pleasure for me to share this path with others. Drumming circles always are Magical and Healing.

4th MOON OF VALUE

2009-09-04T19:57:00.004-06:00

On the Medicine Wheel, there are 13 Moons. Today, the Full Moon, September 5, 2009, brings us to the 4th Moon of Value.

The Moons speak of our Inner Children, the first 13 years of life when we are developing our emotional bodies or what the Westerners call the ego.

To us, the Ego is not something to get rid of, it is something to bring into balance and maturity, so we can be functional adults. We need our ego or Moons, our Inner Children, to be healthy and happy and wise.

In today's world, as adults we all have what we call broken moons, which can stem from neglect or abuse in childhood. We may find ourselves acting out our broken moons, being out of control of our emotions and letting them dictate our words and actions. It is our job to become the parents to these inner children when they take control of us. It is a scary thing to have adults acting out their moons. This causes misunderstandings and conflicts that can erupt and do severe damage to ourselves and others.

For example, when you are triggered by something someone says or does, and react emotionally, it can stem from a broken moon. The Medicine Wheel teaches us to become conscious of where we are coming from, which stone we are standing on, and to work to bring it into balance.

With the Moon of Value, the universe will bring us lessons to test us on what or who we value in our lives. What do we give our time and energy to? Do we spend most of our day complaining or being grateful? Do we focus on problems or solutions? Why do we spend our time doing what we do? If our Moon of Value, (also known as the Moon of Protection) is broken, we won't defend ourselves against attack. We will let others take what is rightfully ours. Or we will try to take what is not ours. It can go both ways and usually does. When you intend to do harm to others, to inflict pain, you are coming from a broken 4th Moon.

The ultimate question for this Moon is - what are we willing to give our life to?
Note that I said life, not death, or to die for, but sometimes that is the case, as in Christ for example, who died for speaking Truth.

If we give time and energy to negative thoughts and experiences, we are giving them value. Let us give ourselves to CREATION, healthy thoughts and actions, and healthy relationships.

If we go through our day haphazardly, skimming through on remote, and not being present to each moment, then we are probably not valuing the lives we are living. Maybe we need to change our lives or change our attitudes.

To value something or someone is to protect them. Our western world has made money the ultimate sign of success. If we protected our children and elders or ourselves as much as we protect money, it would be a much better world.

I value the path I am on, my teachers and community. I value the people in my life that support and encourage me to be who I am and walk this path with humility and authenticity. I value the abundance and wisdom left to me by my parents, the values of hard work and humility that they modeled for me.

I am committed to the Medicine Wheel because I value the wisdom and guidance it has shown me and continues to show me. I value and protect the teachings because they have given my something I looked for all my life. They made sense to me when nothing else could. It is my calling to teach and learn the Medicine Wheel and to protect these teachings. I do that by honoring them, living by them to the best of my ability every day.

What do you value on a daily basis? What do you dedicate your life to? What do you cherish and protect above all else? We have this month to look at this theme and bring consciousness to it.

P.S.

The small boy is a four year old that came to me while I was in the Dominican Republic last spring. He spoke to me even though we talked different languages, as if I should understand anyways. And on some level, I did. We shared food and an exchange that touched me deeply. I could see that he was fully present and wanted to connect. I valued that moment, that beautiful innocent shild and I cherish the memory of that experience.

Wheelkeeper

The Dilemna of Change & Butterfly Medicine

2009-09-01T21:16:00.005-06:00

Change is a funny thing. We may crave it or fear it, but we cannot stop it from happening. We can go with it or resist it. Resistance only makes things harder on ourselves, but we humans are stubborn and we like the false security of familiarity. Or maybe we don't want to do the work that is required of us to bring change.

The Medicine Wheel is all about change, movement and growth. A Wheel has a purpose - to turn. It brings us to new places with new challenges all the time. It is nice to sit in the center of the Wheel occasionally and be still. But if we are to live life fully, we must step out again and start a new wheel, a new set of experience and live new lessons that will bring us to wholeness and abundance.

Being faced with change at this stage of my life is very different than when I was young. Being closer to 60 than 50 gives me an entirely new perspective on life, one that I am not yet fully comfortable with. When I was in my 20's, 30's, and 40's - I loved change, adventure and excitement. Now I find that my body can't handle things the way it used to. I can't just jump up and go hitchhiking across the country or camp out in the cold hard ground with only a sleeping blanket. I can't dance the way I used to either. I miss that most of all. I used to love to dance for hours on end. Now, those days are gone for me.

At our Great Gathering with my Teachers and community in Kingston last month, there was a woman who was an Elder and needed a change, to do something else that wouldn't be so tiring for her. I see that in myself. I need to let go of the hippie-gypsy lifestyle and find a calmer, quieter way of being and doing. It is not a bad thing, in fact I am beginning to enjoying stepping back and watching others do their dance of life.

But I am not dead yet, not by far. There is still much to experience, live and learn. This time of becoming an Elder is just as challenging as entering Adolescence. Only it is in reverse. Both times, our bodies change and we also must change along with it.

On the inner circle of the Medicine Wheel, there are the 7 Clans... The one I belong to is the Butterfly Clan. We Butterflies are all about change. We crawl around as catepillers, munching on leaves and building strong bodies in anticipation of what is to come. Then we go inside and turn to mush, and then we come back out transformed. As human butterfly people,we go through major transformations many times in our lives. I believe that is what keeps us young. Butterfly people are idealist and excited about life. We know how short life can be and we want to live every moment of it to the fullest.

I had lost my enthusiasm for life these past few years, I think I got stuck in my cocoon for too long. But now I am preparing to open my wings and fly again. This time, it will be as an Elder, a wise woman who has been around the wheel a few times.

Lately, there have been white butterflies everywhere in the back yard. They love the tobacco plants. And I love to watch them flutter by, meeting and dancing around each other, rising up and down, back and forth like happy children at play. When I find myself getting too heavy and serious, I just need to think of my Clan's Totem and remember that I am meant to be light and playful and open to the unknown with innocence and trust.

Change is what I am all about. For this I am grateful.

Hau!

YOU ARE IMPORTANT!

2009-08-10T17:12:00.003-06:00

Several people have emailed me with their comments about my blog, saying how much they liked it. Although I REALLY appreciate the feedback, I would prefer to have the comments posted in this site, not in personal emails.

The Medicine Wheel is a circle. the Circle of Life. When you participate in a discussion, you are helping to make it a Wheel. If a post of mine sits there all alone, there is no movement, no Wheel. All stories are sacred, yours included. They have value to me and others. In Shamanism, stories shared from a place of wisdom, of lessons learned, are precious treasures that others can learn and benefit by.

Just go click on "comments" below the story that interests you. Don't be shy to participate. I value your input and contribution to the building of this blog site. This is a step for me towards a new phase in my life. I plan to go public with my stories, working on a book which I hope to publish in the near future. It will be about my many experiences on my path towards becoming a Medicine Woman.

This blog is my way of opening up to the world at large. These stories are just glimpses of my life, there is much more to share. So please come dance with me on the Sacred Circle of Life, come share your beauty, abundance, insight and wisdom of your life experiences, as my friend Meadoe did in the "Garage Sale and Butterfly Lady" Post.

I look forward to making more circles with many more of you!

With Love and Gratitude,

Wheelkeeper

Butterfly Lady at Garage Sale

2009-08-01T00:31:00.015-06:00

Art by David Penfound

Today we had a garage sale. I love having garage sales. It is a great place to meet crazy and wonderful characters. If I am present to the signs and synchronicities of the experience, something magical always happens. Today was no exception.

The event took place at a friends house. It was near the end of the day and we were hot and tired. I only had one table of things left from my ongoing deboning * process. These consisted of some of the objects that I had a hard time letting go of. I should explain that I have been cleaning out my parents home the past many years, having garage sales every year. My parents lived through a war and a depression, and were farmers to boot. So they never threw ANYTHING out! My Dad passed over in 2004 and my Mom followed last November, 2008.

Having dealt with all their stuff, I was now in the process of letting go of things that I had accumulated. Being of the Butterfly Clan, I tend to merge with others, so I also became a pack rat over the years.

I plan to travel for awhile and need to let go of anything I can't take with me. I had a waking dream experience telling me to not leave anything behind. Us Butterflies need to travel light. But I have become attached to some of my "Totemic" objects, like my many butterflies. They were the kind you can attach anywhere, having clips on them, and were made out of sparkling fabric . I had about five of them on the table.

The other thing about garage sales is that you get to say yes or no to people. One lady wanted the Butterflies, but didn't want to pay what I was asking. I thought to myself, "She does not value them". It was not about the objects themselves, but the fact that Butterfly is my Clan, and I wanted someone who really loved them the way I did. So I said no.

Later in the day, I saw an Elderly lady wearing a red blouse with butterflies all over it. She was looking at the Butterflies and I could tell that she really loved them. I liked her right away. She was East Indian, had come to Canada many years ago, worked as a housekeeper at a hotel where she had lived and now lived in a Seniors Lodge. We were shocked when she said she was 80 years old. This lady was riding a bike and carrying a large backpack. She was slim and trim and had lots of energy. We offered her a chair, some lemonade, both of which she took gladly. She loved to talk and had many great stories to share. I ended up putting her bike in the back of my car and driving her home. She invited me in to see her butterfly collection.

Walking in to her small apartment was like walking into paradise for me! There were Butterfly magnets on the fridge, Butterflies on sticks in the many flowerpots, Butterfly pictures, pillows, towels, sheets, window stickers and sun catchers, and mobiles hanging from the ceiling!!!. It reminded me of a Butterfly sanctuary I once visited in Mexico.

I knew that this lady had a message for me. She was showing me that Butterfly Clan people stay young. We are constantly being transformed from catepillar to cocoon to spreading our wings and flying, if even for a short time. On the way out, she walked me back to the car, enjoying our connection as much as I did. She showed me the beautiful flowers growing outside her window. She also told me that God would give me a special gift for taking care of my parents in their final years. Her Son had brought her to Canada and then rejected her, leaving her to her own survival. She had done great for herself, but I could tell that she was hurt by his actions.

She invited met to visit her again. I left feeling elated and disturbed at the same time. Her amazing Spirit lifted mine and showed me the beauty of our mutual Clan. The situation with her son was sad and all too common in our society. In Aboriginal cultures, we honor our Elders for the life they gave us and the wisdom of experience they embody. The Elders bring us to the North of the Wheel, they complete the Circle of Life.

I left feeling enriched by this encounter, honored to spend time with such a remarkable lady and thrilled to meet a member of my very own Clan!

* Deboning is the process of cleaning the meat off of the bones of an animal. It is also the process that we go through when something in us dies and we need to let go of the "dead skin" in order to lighten up again. It is part of the process of death and rebirth that we all go through at various stages of our lives.

Lesson From Nature

2009-07-29T23:19:00.003-06:00

Shamanism and the Medicine Wheel is all about Nature. I try my best to live in harmony with the Natural world around me. In our yard, there were two anthills. I would mow around them, even warned them when I was about to mow the lawn. I believed that they had as much right to live as I did. I made an agreement with them. I would leave them alone if they left me alone (did not come in the house). As crazy as some people may think this sounds, it actually worked. It even worked with the wasps that made a nest just above the garage door. I lived in harmony with these so called nasty creatures for many years.

Then the time came to sell the house. I had to "get rid" of these pests because no one wants to buy a house with ants and wasps in the yard. I refused to use harmful pesticides or chemicals of any kind. But the alternative was just as cruel and vicious. We poured hot boiling water on them. The wasps had nested under the sidewalk by then and we sealed up the crack. Two of them came home and were confused as they tried to gain entry into their underground nest.

The ants were a different story. This is what amazed and intrigued me.... all of a sudden there were now red ants milling about. We had dug out most of the ant hill and carried the remains of the hill to the country. But many survived, perhaps because they were away or were under a portion of the sidewalk and were protected by it.

It was a mystery as to how these red ants suddenly appeared when there had been none before. Did they turn red? Maybe the villager ants call in the warrior ants when there is a crisis of this kind. "You really can't fight nature", I thought. They are amazing survivors and worthy of great respect. They are smarter, stronger, faster, and more selfless than most humans.

Watching these ants over the years, I also saw how incredibly communal they are. When we tried to destroy them, they ran and tried to save the eggs, dragging them to escape. It was heart wretching for me to watch.

Then the queens came running out. I know that they were the Queen ants because a friend of mine recently had a mysterious invasion of them in her house. They look like pointy flies, but do not fly, they crawl.

I am not proud of doing what I did, but after seeing what happened to my friend, I realized that sometimes we do have to take drastic measures. She had huge anthills in her yard and it seems that they just keep growing and multiplying if you let them. How do we live in harmony with nature when we have taken over so much of the land that there is no more room for other life forms to exist? I heard that in the end, pests would rule the world. After this experience, I believe it is possible. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday, July 31, 2009

Well, I had another surprise today! I went back to look at the remains of the destruction and to convert it into a flowerbed, a sort of grave site for the ant colony. And there was not one single ant to be seen at either of the ant mounds. I dug into it, stirred it around and nothing!!!!!! I guess the Army ants came to evacuate the village. I pray that they find a new home somewhere that they can live in harmony and peace. Every creature on this planet deserves to have a safe place to live.

Finding Strength

2009-07-14T01:59:00.002-06:00

I can't sleep tonight, too many thoughts running through my head. So I went online to find a disturbing email. I am being accused of withholding money and information.

When it comes to money, why do people suddenly get nasty? Is it worth all the mistrust and conflict? I am tired of being judged by those who can only see me as they themselves are and not as I am.

When it comes to greed and fear, no one sees clearly. I have my own insecurities about money at times, but I try to be honest and honorable, and work through my issues, not project them onto others. We all have the potential in us to be thieves, liars and worse. We all have a shadow side, but if we are conscious of our darkest thoughts, we can chose to not act upon them in an unconscious manner.

So why then, would someone accuse me of misdeeds without any real basis for the accusations? Why would they expect the worst, why not look for the good instead?

When we judge others, we are judging ourselves. Nothing we say or do is about anyone else, all is projections. That is the logic of the Wheel. Others are merely mirrors for us, so we can see ourselves objectively.

So if I am persecuted or judged, it can mean one of two things...

1. I am being tested to see if I am strong enough to not let it bother me. If I have any self-doubt or fear of persecution, I will crumble under fire. The arrows thrown at me will piece my skin and heart, which is has done tonight. We all have times when we are vulnerable to the psychic attack of others.

2. I have judgments about myself and this is being shown to me from an outside source. They are merely showing me what I think about myself.

When I have resolved my own doubts and self-abuse (self-criticism), if I love myself and those who persecute and abuse me, I will not be hurt by their words and actions. I will not take the abuse, and I will not judge them either. They have their own stories, fears, pain and nightmaresm which have nothing to do with me.

That brings me to the 3rd possibility... The accusations have absolutely nothing to do with me. In this case, I can send it back from whence it came and walk away, continuing to bring positive people and experiences into my life.

This is what is happening in this situation. There is a time to stand on the Stone of Strength and not let the arrows pierce my heart.

Judgments and persecution come from fear, ignorance, greed, jealousy, guilt etc... those things which our Ancestors called "nightmares". Those who would hurt and blame others are in their own nightmares. I do not have to buy into their distorted illusions and projections. I can keep my dream of abundance, love, truth, trust and beauty alive. I do this by being with those who know me, believe in me and what I stand for, those who walk a path of truth, love, and beauty. I can surround myself with others of like-mind, with community of people who are willing to own their own shadow selves, to walk in truth and cultivate functional inter-relationships. I am fortunate to have such a community.

And I can pray for those who persecute me.... that they find the healing they need.

Hau!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

NEXT DAY...

Well, later that day, I got a call from someone who wanted to come and learn about his Totems. We talked for an hour and made a wonderful connection. It was great to be in the presence of someone who honors and respects life, who is searching for Truth and Wisdom.

I feel that my Guides sent him to me, to help me focus on the goodness in life and not give energy to those who would try to abuse or mistreat me in any way. These are times when I offer tobacco in gratitude.

Hau!

Earth Changers

2009-07-06T22:17:00.005-06:00

It is interesting that I meant to title this Earth Changes, and it came out as "Earth Changers". It will make sense once you read the story that follows. Sometimes, slips of the hand or tongue carry truth in them.

With so much talk of climate change and global warming, what can we as individuals do to make a difference?

When I first heard of the Earth Changes it was at Grandmother Twylah's Nitsch's place, the Seneca Indian Reserve near Buffalo, New York, in 1991 . I listened as Elders from all over Turtle Island spoke of their legends and prophecies. They had never met before, but there predictions were all the same... huge changes, land shifts, rising seas, earthquakes, storms... etc. I felt afraid.

One day, I was showing a young child the sacred altar that Grandmother had created. It consisted of a circle of huge pine trees. We had to crawl on hands and knees to go inside. In the middle was an altar made of shale slabs built up. On the stones were many offerings left behind by others: tobacco, small statues, stones and so on.

We brought our offerings and said our prayers, when suddenly the Wind picked up fiercely, tearing at our hair and clothes. I thought of the Earth changes and said, "Run", and we tried to get out from under the trees, but a huge branch swung and hit me right in the eye, stopping me dead in my tracks.

I realized what I was doing. I was creating fear in this young child. I told her to come back and we sat down calmly in the circle. The Wind passed and I felt foolish. I explained to the Child that we do not have to be afraid, we can create a center of peace in the midst of the storm.

That night a storm hit. I was sleeping in a small dome tent under a large tree and it felt like the tent was going to lift right up off the ground, the wind was so strong. Again, I became afraid and got up to run. Then I sat back and reasoned, "Where would I go?"

I sat back down, took out my drum and began chanting. A soft chant came through me and I felt soothed by it. The storm continued raging outside, but my tent stopped shaking! I was amazed and relieved, to say the least. It was pure magic!

From these experiences, I realized how our fear can create more chaos and difficulties in our lives. If we can be centered and grounded, in trust and sacredness, we will be protected, we will be safe. We are loved and valued, we are powerful and creative beings. We can make a difference, by merely changing our perspective from one of fear to one of trust, peace and surrender.

The Earth changes happen with or without us... but humans are definitely having an impact on how fast things are changing with the poisoning of the air, earth and water. Mother Earth can only take so much before she has to purify herself.

We are living in incredible times of change and opportunity, with the awakening of consciousness and rebirth. If we see it not as an end, but as a beginning... what do we want to create and how? What thoughts, feelings and actions do we take to make things better for all life on the body of Mother Earth?

If we are in fear, greed, selfishness, etc... we create negatively and destructive forces. If we trust, grow and love - we can create a better world for the generations to come.

Before rebirth, there has to be a death of some kind. Let our old programs and habits that no longer serve in Creation and wholeness be the that which dies. Let us find new ways of living in harmony with Nature, Mother and all our Relations!

Hau!
Wheelkeeper

TRANSITIONS

2009-07-06T11:07:00.004-06:00

I have been completely immersed in a major life transition this past year. My Dad died on November 6, 2004 and Mom crossed over on November 10, 2008. I was with her and my Dad for the past 7 years, taking care of them and helping them to make their journey to the Stars. It was an exchange, as I got so much in return. I learned about my Role as Keeper of the Elders and Keeper of the Dead. I lost my role with my Mom, as I could not let go of my personal attachment to her. It was a difficult time, with many challenges, lessons and rewards.

At the same time, I went through an initiation with my Tribe and Teachers, where I was thrown out of the community and had to find my way back. I had gone into ego, attachments and was going the wrong way on my path. It took a lot of determination, commitment, humility and strength to find my way back. It took me nine months.
Now I am preparing to sell my house, the one that my parents lived in for 36 years. I don't know where I am going yet. I will take time to dream with it. This is a big change and I know that there are still many adventures and dreams waiting to be lived.
Last night, I watched the movie "The NeverEnding Story". It showed how the "Nothing" was engulfing the entire land of Fantasia, because humans had lost their ability to listen to their dreams and to make wishes. They had lost hope.

For me, it is important to have hope, to wish and dream. I know that some of my wishes come from ego, or fear... but when I get to the real wish behind the fear based ones... I find my heart and soul wanting to grow and fulfill my life purpose on this earthwalk.

I have an idea of where I am going next, but only time will tell. Meanwhile, I will continue to hope, wish and dream for a good life and a better world for us all. Let's not give up hope. It is important to believe in magic and see it in our everyday lives.

Wheelkeeper

This photo is of a moth that landed on my drum bag when I was in the Caribbean visiting my son and recuperating after the death of my Mom. It showed up when I was going to bed and was still there the next morning. Then I realized it was dying. It seemed to like the beaded design on my drum bag.

Then it was dead. It touched me so deeply that I had to sit with it and see the connection to my journey. I felt a deep letting go and took the moth to the ocean and let the wind take it home.