4th Moon of Value

The Moon of Value is where we discover what we really care about. These days I find that I often experience the dark side of the Moons briefly in order to bring them to consciousness. 

For this Moon, I was shocked to discover that I couldn’t even find it. It was as if it didn’t exist! I thought maybe I wasn’t feeling anything because I didn’t have any major issues with this one. After all, I hadn’t had anything big come up, related to some of the other Moons, that is....

Well, I was wrong. And this past week it was brought to my attention. H.Z. initiated an experience for me that bloated this issue. At first I shrugged it off but she wouldn’t let me, which is good, not easy – but good. I had to admit she was right. I seemed to have this pattern of not feeling valued and I was getting tired of being a Wheelkeeper, organizing and hosting the Medicine Wheel circles seemed to have become more of a burden than pleasure these days. But when I sat with this, I went to a place of “I don’t care, I don’t care about anyone or anything”, including myself.  This actually felt good to express but it also astounded me. When did I stop caring? I realized that this Moon was broken to the extent that it didn’t even exist. To be able to express the negative side of it for even a moment, brought up the pain, anger and sadness of being neglected, abandoned and forgotten as a child. I remembered a psychic once telling me that by age 2, I had already given up on life. So by time  I was 4, something must have died in me.  I believe that this broken Moon has a lot to do with the depressions I often experience. A child who is not valued is not heard, seen or protected.

On the second spin of the Moons, when the Moon of Value came around again,  at age 17, when I was graduating from high school. I remember my Mom not being there and I was so sad. She had promised but did not come. I felt so abandoned and forgotten, a repetition that would occur with each passing of this Moon, ages 30, 43, 56....

We treat ourselves the way we were treated, so it was I who did not value myself in the end. Who is to say which came first? Do we create the parents to mirror how we are with ourselves or do our parents create how we are? Does it really matter? The point is to bring healing to these broken moons.

To feel the Moon of Not-value, I was able to bring it into balance. I know that I will have to continue to work on this, but for today, I am valuing myself, my roles and my life.  When we value someone or something, we protect it, we appreciate it, we take care of it.  Most of us have to learn how this feels -  how to love, honour and cherish ourselves before we can do the same for others.

SACRED MOUNTAIN

This evening I went with a friend to Saskatoon Mountain.. to visit the spot where we did our Blue Moon ceremony at a campsite with a firepit. We had left the four anchor stones in the trees, spreading them out to expand the circle and hide them, to see if we could keep the wheel alive and how it would affect the campsite. 

When we arrived a middle-aged man was sitting at the concrete picnic table, facing the fire pit. A bike lay beside him.  We had come to bury a Raven that my friend,who has Raven medicine and is a Deboner, found lying on the street next to where I live. 

We discovered that the wheel was still intact and still active when I tested it with my pendulum. One stone had different energy and we saw that it was because there was another large stone right beside it. We did our Blue Moon ceremony on New Years eve, so the snow had hidden the other stone. We moved it to where he had buried the Raven... and the pendulum showed the north stone was okay now.

Then we visited the sacred site.The first time I went there, I was alone, a few years ago... it was at the guidance of my Spirit guides and a calling to find a sacred Medicine Wheel Circle site.  

When I got there, I saw an Eagle spiraling on the wind. It was so mesmerizing to watch! Then he slowly moved Westward and I followed... This led me right to the sacred site I was looking for.  But it was littered with beer cans and broken glass. I had a bag and cleaned it all up. Then I  drummed and smudged the area, took out my Shaman Crystal and prayed. I was gifted with the image of our ancestors dancing around the fire in a sacred ceremony. I cried so hard I could barely breath, and I had to leave because I couldn't stop. It was too painful to feel the desecration of such a sacred place. I realized that I was feeling the Shaman's pain. I realized how far some humans have come from sacredness in this world and how the Shaman energy feels so much.I left feeling angry at having to go to such hard places, why didn't I stay up where the Eagle was? But then a Raven came and I knew that I had been asked to heal the land and that was a good thing, as hard as it was. I was in my Role as Keeper of the Wheel and walking the path of the ancestors.  I knew that they were happy that I prayed and drummed there, opening it up for sacredness once more. The place felt cleansed. I also knew that I had to return three more times. 

Today was my forth visit  and the first time I came with a friend. Finding beer cans  there again was very disappointing. We didn't have any bags this time to pick up the garbage. But I knew I would return to clean it up as often as I could.

We walked around the fringes of the circle and up on a small ridge to the east of the circle area. The energy felt untouched there somehow... and I had a sense of the Ancestors coming through the forest, along the ridge from the east to enter the sacred circle... and of scouts or guards standing there watch over the ceremonies.

While we sat under some trees to the west of the circle, the sun was sinking lower on the horizon. We heard coyotes yapping and howling. I had passed the Coyote gate on the Blue Moon, so it was relevant to me to hear them.  I knew that I have more to learn about coyote medicine.

They started up just as a helicopter carrying a large barrel on a long string passed overhead. Helicopters are on the North of the wheel and  I felt that it was a sign that I had completed my commitment to return to the mountain four times. 

We noticed that the helicopter was carrying a huge container of water and chemicals on a long line. It was to put out a forest fire somewhere. This been an extremely dry spring, the driest on record...  and the earth is parched. Again a sign of the times.

As we got in the truck and drove down the mountain road, we were stopped by three moose, two females and a calf blocking our way. They moved to the side and we sat and looked at them and they looked back at us, totally calm and so beautiful! At the same time Frogs sang their sunset song in the background.  

My friend has Moose medicine so he was happy. Frogs are about survival and cleansing. I thought of how the Earth changes are upon us and the drought that we are experiencing and wondered if the Frogs would survive in the years to come.

In all though, it was a wonderful and healing experience to connect with nature, the trees, the animals, the wheel and the ancestors.  We are blessed to have such places around and I pray that we all use them with respect and consciousness. 

The photo at the top is of a sacred meadow at Crystal lake.. I will have to get a photo of the mountain next time I go....

SHAMANISM & RELIGION

Today, Easter Sunday, 2010, I went to a sunrise ceremony with a church group. I don't normally attend church, but lately have been feeling a need to heal the wounds of the past in regards to my Catholic upbringing. There was a lot of good things that I got from going to church as a child. Unfortunately, it was tainted by the undertones of guilt, sin and punishment. But I found if I could ignore all those things, I would feel a deep connection with Spirit and the Christ love inside of me.

The church I chose today is quite radical and open-minded. I like the informality of it and the fact that they take the scriptures and apply them to today's world. They also do small rituals at every service and you never know what they will do next. 

On Good Friday, they had us choose rocks and hold them during the service, not knowing what they were for. At the end, they said to put our prayers or what we wanted to leave behind (our burdens) into the rock and lay it at the foot of the cross. I made sure that I was not giving my problems to Christ. I don't believe he was meant to take on our sins, but to teach us how to stop sinning and to do our work to heal our wounds. He was already crucified, so why give him more to deal with? We should deal with our own shit.

Today, the Church group had a sunrise ceremony in the park, with a small fire. We sang, prayed and it was good, but not quite enough for me. So, I also did my own private ritual later, drumming by the water and greeting Father Sun. When I faced the East, Tears of gratitude poured out of me, as I realized that I really am starting a new wheel. The challenging lessons that I have been living for the past few year are complete and it is time for me to go forward.
 
The songs  and words of the Church service that I went to later also touched me, bringing tears of love and gratitude. And I got many strong messages for myself. I was brought up going to church and I had many wonderful experiences of connectedness with the Christ love. My Mom said I was touched by the Holy Ghost, because I always cry when I prayed. I still do.  It is because I feel so much love and it just seems to pour out of my heart and eyes. Communion is not just an outward act, I have to feel Christ love entering me.

Today, Easter Morning, they gave us flowers as we walked into the chapel. The minister said, don't look for Christ crucified, he is Risen!

I got a stem with 6 pink roses on it. I found this remarkable, because I am working with my 6th totem on my personal wheels. I have dreams and signs of integration going on, which is what the 6th totem or Role is about. For me, this totem is my Healer.   The Pink Rose is also one of my symbols. 

(The photo you see is of the cross with everyone's flowers on it).

Being on a Shamanic Path does not mean you cannot be part of a religious belief or go to church. Creator, God, Allah, Buddha... may all be different, but they are all aspects of the Divine. 

Shamanism is not a religion, it is a teaching that shows us how to live according to natural laws, to NATURE. It is organic, open, flexible and adaptable depending on where we live, and the time period we live in. The Wheel is our Guide or Map that we use to find our way through time and space, through the Dreaming known as  LIFE!

By following my heart and going to church, I was being open to where the dreaming is guiding me, open to natural laws. It doesn't mean I am going to go to church all the time, or commit to them, I will go just when it feels right, when I am called. I can find Spirit in many different places.

For me, this Easter was all about HEALING, and being open to GRACE in whatever form it takes! It was, for me, very synchronistic with Easter Sunday and Resurrection!!!

*** The minister also talked about being WARRIORS and speaking out about the injustices in our world today... which are the same as they were in ancient Rome. 
I thought that he is also in touch with the Dreaming, seeing as we are in the WARRIOR WIND! Everyone is a Dreamer in one way or another.