Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Finding Strength

I can't sleep tonight, too many thoughts running through my head. So I went online to find a disturbing email. I am being accused of withholding money and information.

When it comes to money, why do people suddenly get nasty? Is it worth all the mistrust and conflict? I am tired of being judged by those who can only see me as they themselves are and not as I am.

When it comes to greed and fear, no one sees clearly. I have my own insecurities about money at times, but I try to be honest and honorable, and work through my issues, not project them onto others. We all have the potential in us to be thieves, liars and worse. We all have a shadow side, but if we are conscious of our darkest thoughts, we can chose to not act upon them in an unconscious manner.

So why then, would someone accuse me of misdeeds without any real basis for the accusations? Why would they expect the worst, why not look for the good instead?

When we judge others, we are judging ourselves. Nothing we say or do is about anyone else, all is projections. That is the logic of the Wheel. Others are merely mirrors for us, so we can see ourselves objectively.

So if I am persecuted or judged, it can mean one of two things...

1. I am being tested to see if I am strong enough to not let it bother me. If I have any self-doubt or fear of persecution, I will crumble under fire. The arrows thrown at me will piece my skin and heart, which is has done tonight. We all have times when we are vulnerable to the psychic attack of others.

2. I have judgments about myself and this is being shown to me from an outside source. They are merely showing me what I think about myself.

When I have resolved my own doubts and self-abuse (self-criticism), if I love myself and those who persecute and abuse me, I will not be hurt by their words and actions. I will not take the abuse, and I will not judge them either. They have their own stories, fears, pain and nightmaresm which have nothing to do with me.

That brings me to the 3rd possibility... The accusations have absolutely nothing to do with me. In this case, I can send it back from whence it came and walk away, continuing to bring positive people and experiences into my life.

This is what is happening in this situation. There is a time to stand on the Stone of Strength and not let the arrows pierce my heart.

Judgments and persecution come from fear, ignorance, greed, jealousy, guilt etc... those things which our Ancestors called "nightmares". Those who would hurt and blame others are in their own nightmares. I do not have to buy into their distorted illusions and projections. I can keep my dream of abundance, love, truth, trust and beauty alive. I do this by being with those who know me, believe in me and what I stand for, those who walk a path of truth, love, and beauty. I can surround myself with others of like-mind, with community of people who are willing to own their own shadow selves, to walk in truth and cultivate functional inter-relationships. I am fortunate to have such a community.

And I can pray for those who persecute me.... that they find the healing they need.




Well, later that day, I got a call from someone who wanted to come and learn about his Totems. We talked for an hour and made a wonderful connection. It was great to be in the presence of someone who honors and respects life, who is searching for Truth and Wisdom.

I feel that my Guides sent him to me, to help me focus on the goodness in life and not give energy to those who would try to abuse or mistreat me in any way. These are times when I offer tobacco in gratitude.



Wapeyit Malsom said...

I've noticed that when accusations come from family members it usually speaks of dyfunctional family dynamics. It's not personal -- it's about people's unresolved issues with parents and sibblings. Sometimes there's nothing to do but to listen and to let go... If it's a family member that is doing the accusations -- he or she may not be talking about you but about how she or he feels about his or her FAMILY STORY.

Wheelkeeper said...

Thanks Wapeyit. It is great to have my teacher on my blog site.

I tried to reply with a simple and factual report, but suddenly I couldn't find it. After an extensive search, I took this as a sign to not reply, to let it go. What I realize that he or the Universe is testing me, maybe he is doing it unconsciously... but it is what it brings up for me that counts. If I let it affect me, then I need to get stronger boundaries. I am in the 6th Moon of Territoriality this year, and the boundary issue has been coming up for me.

Whatever the others have as their family story seems to be very different from mine. It is time for me to let go of their story and not make it mine anymore.

Thank you for your feedback. It means a lot to me.



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