Saturday, May 1, 2010

4th Moon of Value



The Moon of Value is where we discover what we really care about. These days I find that I often experience the dark side of the Moons briefly in order to bring them to consciousness. 

For this Moon, I was shocked to discover that I couldn’t even find it. It was as if it didn’t exist! I thought maybe I wasn’t feeling anything because I didn’t have any major issues with this one. After all, I hadn’t had anything big come up, related to some of the other Moons, that is....

Well, I was wrong. And this past week it was brought to my attention. H.Z. initiated an experience for me that bloated this issue. At first I shrugged it off but she wouldn’t let me, which is good, not easy – but good. I had to admit she was right. I seemed to have this pattern of not feeling valued and I was getting tired of being a Wheelkeeper, organizing and hosting the Medicine Wheel circles seemed to have become more of a burden than pleasure these days. But when I sat with this, I went to a place of “I don’t care, I don’t care about anyone or anything”, including myself.  This actually felt good to express but it also astounded me. When did I stop caring? I realized that this Moon was broken to the extent that it didn’t even exist. To be able to express the negative side of it for even a moment, brought up the pain, anger and sadness of being neglected, abandoned and forgotten as a child. I remembered a psychic once telling me that by age 2, I had already given up on life. So by time  I was 4, something must have died in me.  I believe that this broken Moon has a lot to do with the depressions I often experience. A child who is not valued is not heard, seen or protected.

On the second spin of the Moons, when the Moon of Value came around again,  at age 17, when I was graduating from high school. I remember my Mom not being there and I was so sad. She had promised but did not come. I felt so abandoned and forgotten, a repetition that would occur with each passing of this Moon, ages 30, 43, 56....

We treat ourselves the way we were treated, so it was I who did not value myself in the end. Who is to say which came first? Do we create the parents to mirror how we are with ourselves or do our parents create how we are? Does it really matter? The point is to bring healing to these broken moons.

To feel the Moon of Not-value, I was able to bring it into balance. I know that I will have to continue to work on this, but for today, I am valuing myself, my roles and my life.  When we value someone or something, we protect it, we appreciate it, we take care of it.  Most of us have to learn how this feels -  how to love, honour and cherish ourselves before we can do the same for others.

12 comments:

Wheelkeeper said...

The photo at the top is my grad pic... many lifetimes ago.

linken said...

I value the knowledge and experience that you have with the Moons, The Medicine Wheel and all other teachings. I really enjoy reading your blog and getting to know you a little more too.

Michelle said...

I can see your warm eyes MR you still can see your spirit even in the picture...What do you do to value you...You taught me to listen to my inner voice...trust...i find that so very valuable...

Wheelkeeper said...

Thank you both for your comments.

Linken, I would also like to get to know you/ Not sure if we have met or not.

Michelle,

To value me, I try to do my inner work so I may become stronger and closer to wholeness. I take good care of my physical, eat well and exercise. I spent time with people I care about and who care about me.

I learned today that value has a lot to do with trust for me. Trusting that I have a place, the right to be heard and seen, that others will not over-react to my words and persecute me for them. I try to be as open and honest as possible, but past experiences show me that this doesn't always work with everyone... so now I choose who I open up to...

There is so much to these Moons yet to be explored, before coming to the wisdom of the Grandmothers!

Wapeyit Malsom said...

I love the picture.
The Moon of Self-Value is a tough one.

LISA

Wheelkeeper said...

It is a tough one Lisa... and I wonder if I am getting the healing I need in this one. I find that I am letting myself get distracted from my writing and each day goes by so quickly. When you asked on Facebook, what would we do if we knew we only had two years to live, I knew I had to finish my writing... I am doing it, but just a little at a time, it doesn't feel like enough.

Anya said...

thankyou MR :)

Wheelkeeper said...

Thank you for what Anya?

Sublime said...

Have you heard the phrase "A picture can say a thousand words"

what would you say to the girl in the picture about Value?

When I was a little baby (and later a little girl) There were several occasions my mom had left me with my aunts and then came back to get me several months later.

For me, this brought up several moons, the moon of Welcomming and moon of Value. What i had to do was look at it,then go through the emotions of it.
Then later, when I was ready to move on, I did a regression of sorts. I went back to "Me" the young toddler and picked up the baby and spoke to the baby.. and then I went to "Me", the young girl and spoke to her too... some Of the things I told her was that I Love her, I VALUE HER and that She is Valuable. and what I seek from others, is actualy what I found within.

P.s
I love your picture, there is so much Grace and beauty

Wheelkeeper said...

There is so much wisdom in your words Sublime. Thank you for sharing them here.

I also have done exactly that... talked to the ME of the past, that teenager whose Mom was not there to value her. I said,
"You are beautiful and loving, and deserving of love."

I see grace and acceptance in those eyes... a love that goes beyond anything my Mother or anyone else could give me. It is true that we need to find that within and not look outside ourselves.

Now, I can see why I needed those experiences, why I chose a Mom who was not there for me... so I could find self-value no matter what anyone else said, did or didn't do. Can't say I am 1005 there, but getting closer all the time....

Wapeyit Malsom said...

Mary Rose,

I don't think that we have to make any kind of effort to heal. If you're doing what needs to be done in your life -- then, I'm sure the healing is interwoven through your daily living.
Trust!

LISA

Wheelkeeper said...

Thank you Lisa... the healing is happening, I noticed, somewhat on its own... I had some experiences that showed me that my inner children were very happy! This amazed and delighted me.... I just wanted to play! Then I turned to my friend and saw he was so broken, that he couldn't enjoy the moment I was in... I just wanted someone to play with.

Followers

Blog Archive