Thursday, December 30, 2010

DECISIONS, TEMPTATIONS & OBSTACLES




Maybe its my Clan, which is Butterfly, or maybe its because I am a Gemini, but I hate having to choose between two things. Its easier for me if there are three or more choices. but with two, it drives me crazy. 

Since I have opened my website and discovered that I could blog there, I wondered if I should close this site. But I like this space, I like the colors, being able to post photos.... I feel at home here. This is more private than the other space. Yet, I have been reluctant to come out... to expose myself to the public. Its taken me years to get a website and I am still resisting that book I am supposed to write. I have all the material, but I get stuck when it comes to going public. My writing is intimate and personal, its deep and sacred to me. I write about what I know, about my dreams and experiences, my issues and healing. I don't know how to write otherwise. I have tons of material - journals, dream charts, dreams, shamanic journals.... I am happy when I am writing or reviewing or editing  my journals, but then I get distracted, busy, lazy, resistant.

My wish for this year is to push through the obstacle and trust myself and the Dream that wants to manifest. I was told over 20 years ago by a stranger on a train that I would be writing a book. I was told in a dreamchart over 7 years ago the same thing. Is is a rebellious teenager in me that is fighting this destiny? Is it the fact that others told me to do it? That would be immature of me, wouldnt' it. 

Whatever the reason, it is time to push through and get to work. I will probably have to write less in other places like here. It is not easy to go back in time and rewrite my memoires when I want to be living life fully today. A sunny day, a phone call from a friend, the internet, a good movie on TV... these are the temptations that get in the way. 

How many of us let life's distractions keep us from doing what we are called to do. My son, the Thunderbeing, is great at discipline and focus. I find that this is a trait of that Clan. Us butterflies are so easily blown about by the slightest breeze. I need to anchor myself in my center totem, my horse, with all four feet on the ground.  There is no one there telling me to be at work on time. I don't have to punch a clock. I know that there are people out there who would love to have the time I have to write... 

So with that being said. I just might not be blogging as much this year. 

Or maybe..... I just may use this space for myself to write about my writing...lol.  

Or................





5 comments:

Michelle said...

If you feel like writing on your blogs write on them....I really feel from your words that its time for your book...its calling you that's the challenge for this year and stepping out and being that butterfly, You have so much to say Mary Rose and its a great story! Transformation isnt that what butterfly's are best at. Somthing that make me think butterflies are more determined than ever.
Monarch butterflies journey from the Great Lakes to the Gulf of Mexico, a distance of about 2,000 miles, and return to the north again in the spring. When you set your mind on somthing it gets done! We may take a few stops along the way but thats just rests...

WampumBlueRaven said...

Love the new colors on the site Mary-Rose- it brings it to life in a vital way -which I have not seen before and compliments the rest of the website and images.

Being in the public eye is difficult-I was just speaking about the same topic struggling with this ideal of privacy. A suggestion that was given to me was to have a PEN NAME, but there the other part of me that struggle with the ideal because I feel like I am not standing for my story -but on the other hand I don't want all the stigma and social programming projected on to ME personally - and I thing if I put yourself out there in the way you need to be prepare to face that... on a public level.

I hope regardless you keep with the blog from time to time it is inspiring to hear your stories... I am sure you can make the years blog about your journey and relationship with writing- it been and is a part of your life. Regardless what you decide, I wish you the best of luck! and laughter along the way!!

cheers
Nathalie

Wheelkeeper said...

Thanks for your support Michelle and Nathalie. It is good to hear feedback. It's true about Monarch's flying so far... that is incredible isn't it? Inspiring too!

I think I needed brighter colors to make up for the long, dark, grey days..

Have a great 2011!

I don't think I could stop blogging if I wanted to, its become an addiction.

Sublime said...

when making choices, for me I find it is easier if I don't have to many choices to pick from.
When I have a lot of choices that's when it gets confusing and seams to be chaotic for me.. No I like it more simple..choice A or B.. I don't like having a big menue of choices...maybe thats's my clan or my totem..I am not sure, but I know I am Trurtle clan..and I like things more simple.

Wheelkeeper said...

Hi Sublime, I love your name, by the way... It''s interesting how we each deal with choices in our own way. I think Turtle clan would want less choices to deal with because they take so long to make a decision as it is...lol. Maybe because they consider every possible outcome of each decision.

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