Tuesday, March 2, 2010


Every day we are constantly being triggered by others, and we can also trigger them. For someone like myself who has INITIATOR as a Role it is quite a challenge to carry out the initiation of others. I can feel when my Initiator comes through me. I feel a hardness a strength and courage that comes through me. I am not always comfortable with this part of me, but I often have to get out of my own way and trust my inner community, my saced roles. 

In our Moon of Affirmation circle on Saturday, I triggered some people at the end when we were finishing our talking circle. It had been a long night and people were tired. Our last one to speak was our elder. The one who spoke before had been very emotional and in a deep process. When the Elder went to speak, four people stood up at once and left. I felt the energy being sucked out of the room. They went to the kitchen and began talking so loudly that I couldn't even hear our Elder talk. I asked someone to tell them to be quiet, because they were doing another wheel in the next room. It reminded me of when a community member built a smaller wheel beside our bigger one and sucked the life out of the bigger wheel. 
I got angry at the disrespect for our Elder andI asked them to return to our circle. Someone spoke up and said it was not to reprimand but to teach. Two other women got defensive and said they needed to move their bodies. I had said at the beginning to take care of your bodies, that we wouldn't be taking breaks, so go stretch, get some tea, etc when you need.

But in this instance, it was near the end of the Wheel and an Elder who was speaking. I am a Keeper of the Wheel as well as a Keeper of the Elders. From my perspective, what they did was disrespectful and unconscious. I was doing my Role. 

But this seemed to cause quiet a stir. Three women got defensive and felt that they had to give their reasons for leaving. One women went into a huge process and we had to help her with some healing. No one seemed to be able to sit still with the "reprimand" and get the lesson in the moment. It took a crisis to bring everyone to clarity and truth. 

Endings of wheels are often difficult at times. The energy can dissipate before the end. We all feel the end coming, there is restlessness, impatience and discomfort. The last stone on the wheel before the North, (where the wheel ends),.... is the Initiator stone. This is the place where we tie the knots which makes the wheel a wheel... or else it all comes undone. It is where we are tested to see if we got the lessons of the wheel we had been spinning. In this case, being the Moon of Affirmation, the ritual we did and the lessons were all about affirming who we were.

I am happy to say that we all got the lessons, we all spoke our truth, we all were strong in who we are and had our voice. The woman who got initiated was the strongest of all because her obstacles were enormous. With the help of the women in the circle, she managed to break through the negative voices in her head, the fears in her body and affirm herself!!!

There was no animosity between anyone, which was another great accomplishment. Everyone understood that it was an initiation and did not hold any resentment or judgments. But not everyone spoke up, so I don't know what they were thinking. 

I am proud that I allowed my Roles to do their job without holding back as I would in the past, afraid to antagonize anyone. I am proud of the women who spoke their truth and the woman who broke through her devastating fears to find her voice!
And I am proud of the women who listened and learned, were open to the experience. 

In the end, our Elder spoke words of wisdom from a collective place. It was all perfect!
We are an amazing group of strong women!!!!



I welcome the perspective of all the women who were at the circle. Let's have your voices heard, let us see the many perspectives. No one is right or wrong, each one has a valid viewpoint to share. That is what makes up a circle - what makes us whole, strong and united!

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